|
by Rafiki 11/18/2009, 3:07pm PST |
|
|
|
|
|
So I needed a Hawaiian shirt, but I didn't want to spend a lot of money on ugly clothing I'd never wear again. The most obvious place to shop: Wal-Mart. But it's too white trash and I'm too much of a snob, so I went to Target instead. For $19.99 I found a jet-black shirt with some palm tree and tropical print on it that was so dark you could barely see it unless you were standing right next to me. Perfect. I could claim to be participating in our team building exercise, and no one further than 8 feet away would get the uncontrollable urge to kick my ass.
I was quite proud of myself for cheating the system until I got the shirt home, because then my insecurity started setting in. With the pattern so hard to see I was afraid I would get singled out in front of everybody for NOT participating, and then everyone would laugh and throw donuts at me until I started crying and quit my job out of embarassment. At this point I noticed a tag attached to the shirt that read "HAWAIIAN BAY" in big red letters. I stuck it in my wallet to take it in to work with me in case I was challenged, and began fantasizing about the smuggest way to totally shut some motherfuckers down. Now my plan was bullet proof.
The next day everyone was sitting around the meeting room in their bright, gaudy Hawaiian shirts (fucking rubes) when I noticed someone across the room wearing a suspiciously familiar jet-black shirt. During a break I walked over and the guy was wearing the exact same shirt. We traded some office zingers, and then he reached into his pocket, pulled out a tag, and said, "And I brought this in just in case no one believed this was a Hawaiian shirt." I nearly tried to double high-five him in front of everybody. Best Hawaiian shirt day ever.
EPILOGUE: There was a contest where everyone had to choose the 2 best Hawaiian shirts. The prize was a gallon of Hawaiian Punch (GET IT?!?!?!??!?!). Luckily I didn't win, because then I would have had a gallon of Hawaiian Punch. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Oh, and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want by Rafiki 06/03/2009, 10:53am PDT
That's crazy by Fussbett 06/03/2009, 11:04am PDT
curb your enthusiasm youtube clip not found NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 06/03/2009, 11:47am PDT
Rafiki + Still Life = the BEST GODDAMN PART OF THIS WEBSITE by Ice Cream Jonsey 06/03/2009, 12:04pm PDT
The stories I could tell about aloha shirts...*stares off into distance* NT by Horrible Gelatinous Blob 06/03/2009, 1:12pm PDT
Well thank god you didn't tell those stories here. NT by Fussbett 06/03/2009, 10:49pm PDT
This website needs more Blob. Not less. More. NT by The "Needs More" Guy 06/03/2009, 11:53pm PDT
I know I was being sarcastic. >:( I'M GOING TO STOP BEING SARCASTIC HERE NT by Fussbett 06/04/2009, 12:00am PDT
(I say this because I am sick nigh unto death of you parochial CRETINS) NT by Fussbett 06/04/2009, 9:32am PDT
I was trying to agree with you! Not all who agree are cretinous, Fussbett. by The "Needs More" Guy 06/04/2009, 9:45am PDT
Oh, then I'm back onto sarcasm. Sorry about that. NT by Fussbett 06/04/2009, 10:36am PDT
Maintaining admin sanity is something I am happy to provide. What r u wearing? NT by The Creepy "Needs More" Guy 06/04/2009, 10:47am PDT
Not an admin, just underwear. NT by Fussbett 06/04/2009, 10:52am PDT
Not underwear and a Hawaiian shirt? NT by motherfuckerfoodeater 06/04/2009, 12:44pm PDT
I'm going to tell my friend's jellybean story to atone for my mistake by Fussbett 06/04/2009, 3:31pm PDT
Are you sure it wasn't "best guess under the actual count"? by The Anecdote Guy 06/04/2009, 4:50pm PDT
No, because there was another guess closer than 320 and still under. by Fussbett 06/04/2009, 5:16pm PDT
How about I tell you how many jellybeans I WANT o_o NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 06/04/2009, 6:47pm PDT
"How about you guess how many I want. If you said a handful, you are riiiiight." NT by Fussbett 06/04/2009, 7:06pm PDT
Tell us a FUCKING ALOHA SHIRT STORY NT by Mysterio 01/07/2011, 7:33pm PST
blobby pls NT by dolan duck 05/23/2012, 8:21pm PDT
When I got fired by Bunyip 06/03/2009, 5:39pm PDT
Re: When I got fired by Creexuls, a monster >:3 06/03/2009, 5:45pm PDT
I wear those shirts on purpose sometimes. by Fullofkittens 06/03/2009, 5:50pm PDT
You can probably find Hawaiian shirts for $2 at Value Village or SallyAnn by Hans Clastorp 06/03/2009, 6:36pm PDT
Marketing hipsters dressing up as white trash NT by quite a stretch! 06/03/2009, 10:41pm PDT
I've never heard of hipsters being ironic before. SOUNDS AWESOME NT by I LOVE SUCKING DICK 06/05/2009, 12:54am PDT
I hope this guy got a lot of dick for Christmas. NT by Mysterio 01/07/2011, 7:46pm PST
So no one here's heard of Tommy Bahama by Vested Id 06/04/2009, 12:10am PDT
Is that their strapline? NT by mark 06/04/2009, 10:15am PDT
A friend of mine quit a $73k job over shorts by FABIO 06/04/2009, 1:54am PDT
He's been workin so hard he's punchin his card 8 hours for what etc. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 06/04/2009, 2:22am PDT
Re: A friend of mine quit a $73k job over shorts by motherfuckerfoodeater 06/04/2009, 12:45pm PDT
Re: A friend of mine quit a $73k job over shorts by Souffle of Pain 05/23/2012, 8:22pm PDT
yeah those and sweatpants wtf is with people wearing those at work NT by jeep 05/23/2012, 8:54pm PDT
I've bought one ironically and one because it actually looked halfway decent :( by Entropy Stew 06/04/2009, 9:57am PDT
Dress up like the Dude NT by Jesus 06/04/2009, 10:38am PDT
Re: Oh, and remember, my post title exceeds maximum length. by N 06/04/2009, 10:45pm PDT
How many times did your huge lactating jugs fall out? NT by Jerry Whorebach 06/05/2009, 1:03am PDT
bzzzt no try again NT by up with pod people 06/05/2009, 8:10am PDT
Next guess: How many times did you sit on a banana and it went up your pussy? NT by Fussbett 06/05/2009, 11:09am PDT
still mortally offended that anyone would think I'd participate in "beach day" by up with pod people 06/05/2009, 11:16am PDT
Strap a pillow to your belly and buy an XXXXL for an authentic Hawaiian look by I need clarification 06/05/2009, 8:05am PDT
I never did say how this went by Rafiki 11/18/2009, 3:07pm PST
Man, this whole exercise is racist! Hawaiians wear normal shirts too you know! by You work in a sitcom, right? 11/18/2009, 4:29pm PST
|
|