Raytheon Introduces Safety Assault System

Raytheon announced Tuesday that since the introduction of its patented Safety Assault System, reported injuries by workers have dropped dramatically.

Following an on-ice injury, workers are now given the opportunity to receive free consultation with their supervisor, their supervisor's supervisor, and the Raytheon Chairman of Shareholders' Interests. The Safety Assault System includes armed guards outside Medical to help escort potential patients
into the building for their treatment. And a mine field has been installed in front of Medical to protect crucial supplies necessary to care for workers seeking medical consultation. In the case of an injury, contact your supervisor for a map of the mine field. ECW must be worn while traversing the mine field.

"I like the new Safety Assault System," said one happy worker. Other workers feel exactly the same way.

"We are pleased with the results of the Safety Assault System," said Safety and Liability Representative Jill Flory. "Our workers are working safer and safer every day and injury statistics are plummeting. The Raytheon Safety Assault System targets injury where it starts: the employee.