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by Jerry Whorebach 10/21/2011, 9:55pm PDT |
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I've had a shrinkwrapped copy of Vanquish sitting in my "to do" pile for ages, on top of a stack of community college brochures and underneath about a dozen other games and some really challenging porno. Not many people know this about me, but I'm kind of a procrastinator. As a child, I used to keep a packet of completed schoolwork in my desk, just so if my parents ever asked how school was going, I could say "Fantastic! I should have something ready to go out by the end of the day," even if I'd spent the last week staring at a blank page. I used to drive myself crazy worrying about that sort of thing; there were times growing up when I was literally bedridden with writer's block. For the life of me, I can't remember how I could care about something so abstract and pointless as elementary school. It's like worrying about what colour robe God is wearing as he sits on his throne made of singing babies*. One year I got so far behind, they let me replace an entire semester of language arts with a report on the history of video games. "Don't I need to learn about inverted commas or whatever?" "Not really, no." Emboldened, the next year I pitched one on the significance of Capcom's Street Fighter. If you want to know why my punctuation looks like it was applied with a shotgun, it's probably because I spent most of fifth grade researching fucking Street Fighter.
Anyway, I'll give Vanquish a spin and get back to you. Fair warning: I've also got the pilot of that new Kelsey Grammar show where he's the mayor of Frogtown sitting on my media server, and it's even money which one I'll get to first.
*Midrash Tehillim 4:12 says it's purple, and inscribed with the names of the martyrs of Israel. It doesn't specify what colour the names are, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say "gold". |
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FREE MS POINTS GO GO GO by Jerry Whorebach 10/21/2011, 12:52pm PDT 
Use 10minutemail.net for unlimited free e-mail addresses. by Jerry Whorebach 10/21/2011, 1:05pm PDT
All three fields must be filled. Redeem your codes immediately on xbox.com NT by Jerry Whorebach 10/21/2011, 1:09pm PDT
Site is getting hammered, but codes are still going out. Don't give up! NT by Jerry Whorebach 10/21/2011, 1:22pm PDT
Re: Site is getting hammered, but codes are still going out. Don't give up! by Mysterio 12/07/2013, 2:42pm PST
Sorry pal, MS closed the free trial loophole I was using a couple months ago :( NT by Jerry Whorebach 12/07/2013, 7:18pm PST
I don't own an XBox, should I panic? NT by laudablepuss 10/21/2011, 4:08pm PDT
This is probably the last thing you want to hear right now... by Jerry Whorebach 10/21/2011, 4:43pm PDT
Please buy and review Vanquish. NT by Gutsby 10/21/2011, 6:31pm PDT
Way ahead of you! by Jerry Whorebach 10/21/2011, 9:55pm PDT
"We've got eight hours to stop New York from becoming the next San Francisco." by Jerry Whorebach 10/22/2011, 5:14pm PDT
Finished this last night. It was pretty good! by Jerry Whorebach 10/26/2011, 2:52pm PDT
I bought it after your first report. Best 3rd person shooter. by Gutsby 10/27/2011, 5:31am PDT
I love how the BOOST button becomes a CIGARETTE button when you're behind cover. NT by It really is the ultimate button. 10/27/2011, 11:41am PDT
This was great and helpful. Everyone thank Gerry. by Caltrops 10/26/2011, 5:37pm PDT
Make up to $125 in one day! by Mysterio 10/21/2011, 6:49pm PDT
Does he dumpster-dive with this kind of rabid enthusiasm? NT by Casual observer 10/21/2011, 4:38pm PDT
Are you retarded? Dumpsters are outside. NT by motherfuckerfoodeater 10/21/2011, 5:08pm PDT
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