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Did you just trick me into reading an advertorial? by Injustice 10/01/2017, 10:29am PDT
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062382802?ie=UTF8&tag=bustle3311-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0062382802

Click Here To Buy.

The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee is a British version of On The Road featuring two wealthy gay boys on their Grand Tour. This book doesn't come out until June 27th, 2017, but I promise it's the road trip book you've always wanted.


This is like writing a guide to which sidescrollers you should play instead of Mario the week Cuphead comes out, and putting Cuphead at the top of the list. By which I mean it's the sort of thing you should get paid twice for.

I have kind of a soft spot for dead white guy books. Sure, most of the authors were ignorant shitheads, but that's part of their charm. Like when a Chinese person tries to impart the wisdom of Confucious but can't even get the basic grammar right. I've never read the classics through the eyes of a person who's different from me, though, so I don't know what the experience is like for them. I can laugh when Melville transcribes Pip's dialogue phonetically, decide it's probably because the lone black guy is speaking modern English (like Martin Lawrence in Black Knight?) while all the white characters are yarring at each other in old timey whaler speak. If anything, a little ignorance helps me identify with Melville even more, two stupid pricks reaching out across time and space to high five each other for some sweet pre- and post-ironic racism, respectively; both of us freezing out Shakespeare over Aaron's soul, black like his face, which even in Melville's day would've been considered problematic.

Zoraida Córdova writes YA fantasy and adult romance. She loves black coffee, snark, and still believes in magic. She is a New Yorker at heart and is currently working on her next novel.


One time I wanted to make a blog called Coffee & Sarcasm, because it was the worst title I could think of. The first page of google results told me it was already the title of an erotic Stargate Atlantis fanfic where the characters all work in a coffee shop instead of a Stargate and do gay Seinfeld. I was never going to top that.

Rodney McKay was the world's worst barista, and he knew it. In fact, it was a point of great pride. "You want six shots of 'expresso' in your latte," he responded dryly to the first customer of the morning. "Tell you what, I'll get right on that, if you do two things for me. Learn to say espresso, because there's no such thing as 'expresso,' and learn the chemical composition of caffeine. Until then, there's a Dunkin Donuts two blocks down Forest Avenue. Next!"

A man with ridiculous hair looked at the spluttering older businessman and quirked an eyebrow at Rodney behind the counter. "I didn't realize there'd be a quiz," he drawled.

Rodney sneered at him. "Yes, yes, I'm sure your looks and your ability to throw a football got you through school just fine. What do you want?"

"I'd like a mocha latte, and the chemical composition of caffeine is C8H10N4O2," ridiculous-hair-man replied, deadpan.

Rodney stopped the grinder. "What?"

"Did you lose a hearing aid? The chemical composition of caffeine is C8H10N4O2."

Rodney finished steaming milk in silence, but slid a chocolate biscotti across the counter with the latte. "My shift gets over at five. I usually go over to Dali's for a beer and dinner on Friday nights, if you'd like to meet me there. We can talk about the chemical composition of beer." Rodney smiled. "Next!"

The ten o'clock lull slid by and Rodney went to the back room to get some napkins to stock up for the lunch rush. "Good morning, Liz," he said to their buyer, a slim brunette woman who smiled more than Rodney found entirely trustworthy.

"Rodney, it's Elizabeth or Ms. Weir if you must, but not Liz." She looked up from her order form. "We're low on Yirgacheffe. Should I order more or just let it run out?"

"How would I know? I just make the coffee. Ronon will be here in an hour, he's teaching a demolition class at the police academy. It's his shop. If he doesn't keep track of what's popular, that's his problem."

"What's my problem?" Ronon threw a leather jacket over the back of a stepladder.

"Whether or not Yirgacheffe is popular. I'm leaving at five. I have a date."

"Try not to insult the guy's shoes this time and maybe you'll get more than one date per guy." Ronon replied, unfazed.

"But this guy's hair just begs for gel jokes." Rodney grinned.

"If you don't get laid soon, you're going to irritate the piss out of every customer I have. You're going to irritate me, and then you'll be out of a job." Ronon quipped.

"You wouldn't fire me. You loooove me." Rodney breezed back out to the counter, ignoring Ronon shaking his head and Elizabeth's reluctant grin.


Just then the mayor of Atlantis rolled up in his motorized wheelchair. "I'm shutting you down for health violations," he bellowed, voice crackling with Youtube compression. "You are all dismissed."

"YOU can call me Liz," said Liz, her thoughts as dirty as her work surface.
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        Did you just trick me into reading an advertorial? by Injustice 10/01/2017, 10:29am PDT NEW
 
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