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| Let's bitch about the 2020 Game Awards winners here by burn 2020 to the ground 12/11/2020, 10:40am PST | ||||
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| Should have just called it "The Last of Us 2: sucking Abby's cock awards".
Game of the Year Doom Eternal Final Fantasy 7 Remake Ghost of Tsushima Hades Animal Crossing New Horizons The Last of Us Part II – Winner Perhaps the only value of Previously Recorded was Rich Evans showing everyone how boring and pointless Naughty Dog NARRATIVE games are. Nobody but tumblr FEELS types and gamer dads thinks these are good stories. Final Fantasy 7 was an already nonsensical plot, and the remake put it through the Kingdom Hearts filter. Can we stop pretending the original was notable for anything but breakthrough visuals at the time? Fuck Doom Eternal. Worm was completely right about that piece of shit. Best game direction winner Final Fantasy 7 Remake Ghost of Tsushima Hades Half-Life: Alyx The Last of Us Part II – Winner What does this category even mean? "Best use of recycled butch tranny dom beating scene"? Stop pretending you're movies! Best narrative winner 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim Final Fantasy 7 Remake Ghost of Tsushima Hades The Last of Us Part II – Winner Best story? Best writing? No! This is ART and we will call it NARRATIVE. The fuck did a Dark Souls stealth game get nominated? The FUCKING fuck did FF7's fucking nonsense get nominated? Best art direction winner Final Fantasy 7 Remake Ghost of Tsushima – Winner Hades Ori and the Will of the Wisps The Last of Us Part II I've got no problem with this. Best score and music winner Doom Eternal Fantasy Fantasy 7 Remake – Winner Hades Ori and the Will of the Wisps The Last of Us Part II This reminds me of Redletter Media discussing how bullshit the technical Oscar categories are since they just re-nominate all the best picture nominees. Did The Revenant really have the best sound mixing of any movie that year? Did it really? Best audio design winner Doom Eternal Half-Life: Alyx Ghost of Tsushima Resident Evil 3 The Last of Us Part II – Winner Best meaty sound effects of cis white male beaten to death, female sobbing. Doom shit fuck Eternal should have gotten disqualified on the cacodemon cartoon grenade swallow sound alone. Best performance winner Ashley Johnson as Ellie in The Last of Us Part II Laura Bailey as Abby in The Last of Us Part II – Winner Daisuke Tsuji as Jin Sakai in Ghost of Tsushima Logan Cunningham as Hades in Hades Nadji Jeter as Miles Morales in Marvel's Spider-Man: Miles Morales WE GET IT. Games for impact winner If Found... by Dreamfeel Kentucky Route Zero: TV Edition by Cardboard Computer Spiritfarer by Thunder Lotus Games Tell me why by Dontnod Entertainment/Xbox Game Studios – Winner Through the Darkest of Times by Paintbucket Games "This is important...this means something" This decision was an easy oppression hierarchy flowchart. Colored child trump cartoons animals, lesbian trumps colored child, FtM tranny trumps all. Best ongoing game winner Apex Legends Destiny 2 Call of Duty: Warzone Fortnite No Man's Sky – Winner Ha ha ha, I thought they were stretching it inventing categories just to give awards to The Last of Us 2, but holy shit. Did Chris Roberts sponsor this category for Star Citizen but got snubbed? Rotflol #2 @ the idea that anyone still gives a shit about Destiny 2. Best indie game winner Carrion by Phobia Game Studios/Devolver Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout by Mediatonic/Devolver Hades by Supergiant Games – Winner Spelunky 2 by Mossmouth, LLC Spiritfarer by Thunder Lotus Games I'll give kudos to this. The willpower it must have taken to not only make the correct decision, but also to leave out Among Us. Best mobile game winner Among Us – Winner Call of Duty Mobile Genshin Impact Legends of Runeterra Pokemon Cafe Mix Never mind... Best community support winner Apex Legends Destiny 2 Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout – Winner Fortnite No Man's Sky Valorant AHAHAHaha, community support nomination for No Man's Sky? No award for the guys who try to sell pictures of PS5's on ebay? Innovation in accessibility winner Assassin's Creed Valhalla Grounded Hyperdot The Last of Us Part II – Winner Watch Dogs Legion Jesus christ. Even TDARCOS would call this category gay. Best action game winner Doom Eternal Hades – Winner Half-Life: Alyx Nioh 2 Streets of Rage 4 Hades should probably be GotY, but action game??? In the grand tradition of games like Diablo, Torchlight, and Bastion? Why the hell was this pegged as an action game? Best RPG winner Final Fantasy 7 Remake – Winner Genshin Impact Persona 5 Royal Wasteland 3 Yakuza: Like a Dragon Oooooooh, it was so they could hand the RPG award to the latest awful train wreck FF game. In what fucking world does FF7 Remake beat out Persona 5? Best action/adventure game Assassin's Creed Valhalla Ghost of Tsushima Marvel's Spider-Man: Miles Morales Ori and the Will of the Wisps Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order The Last of Us Part II – Winner Wait, "action" and "action/adventure" are 2 separate categories??? STOP INVENTING CATEGORIES JUST TO GIVE MORE AWARD TO LAST OF US! I guess even these craven assholes couldn't bring themselves to call a Naughty Dog title an outright action game. Best Fighting Game Who still gives a shit about this genre? Why not a best Counterstrike category while we're at it? Best Family Game Animal Crossing: New Horizons – Winner Crash Bandicoot 5: It's About Time Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout Mario Kart Live: Home Circuit Minecraft Dungeons Paper Mario: The Origami King Ah yes, gather the family around the TV on game night to play...Paper Mario?? Da fuq? How many fucking RPGs did they leave out of the RPG category just to blow SquareEnix? Best SIM/Strategy game winner Crusader Kings III Desperados III Gears Tactics Microsoft Flight Simulator – Winner XCOM: Chimera Squad Okay, they TOTALLY fucked around with the categories just to hand awards to big sponsors. "Action" needs 2 separate categories, but strategy has to be condensed into "Sim", just so they could include Flight Simulator, an abandoned genre even deader than fighting games. Best sports/racing game winner Dirt 5 F1 2020 FIFA 21 NBA 2K21 Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 – Winner What category should "sim" be condensed into? Racing, which simulates controlling a vehicle exactly like a flight sim? Nah, throw it in with "strategy". Fighting games? Flight sims? Tony Hawk? Score a fucking hat trick for 3 genres/franchises nobody has given a shit about in nearly 2 decades. Game news reveals: New Mass Effect- Fool me twice... New Halo- Just kidding, it's Master Chief in Fortnite. Back 4 Blood- Turtle Rock finally making the Left 4 Dead sequel we wanted instead of that disaster Evolve. Fuck everything. Roll the calendar forward already. |
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