Tom Chick wrote:

Tom Chick wrote:

Many years ago, I had a girlfriend with very pale and beautiful skin. She would bruise when we, uh, got amorous. Her thighs and arms constantly had bruises on them. We also had a fairly tumultuous relationship at times. Once, during a fight we were having, she thought I was cheating on her and she came over to my apartment to look through my windows. A mutual friend called and told me that my girlfriend was on her way over, loaded for bear. So I met her outside and told her we should go inside and talk. She refused. She started yelling at me, out on the street, very Italian style. It was like something you'd see in a movie. So I took her by the arm to bring her in. There was pushing and pulling and yelling before she finally came in. I showed her no one else was there, and we made up for the most part.

Many months later, when we broke up, she told me that she had gotten bruises on her arm that night. She had taken pictures of the bruises. She said she would use them to prove that I had abused her. I was shocked.

This is the story of how I learned to never lay a hand on a woman in anger. Ha ha, just kidding, this is the story of how I learned restraining orders are bullshit because women are vindictive sluts.

Did I mention she was making a scene, in public? I don't like playing the heavy, guys, but sometimes you leave me no choice.