Confluence is a Black Hole of misery and pain that has never been a useful tool in any organisation I’ve been a part of, and JIRA itself is not far behind. I am thankful every day that my role as a designer limits my exposure to it, and it mostly remains a hellscape populated by BAs and PMs. The interface is pure pain and performance is terrible.

JIRA enables micromanagement to an extreme and I hate the management need to log and track every minute of every day of an employees time. You know you fucked up as a software company if wrestling with your product is a full time job to anyone that makes use of it in another organisation. The thought of babysitting JIRA and Confluence makes me sick and I establish early on my distance from it.

I want a “Simple” view that only shows me the absolute bare minimum. I don’t need to be staring at a 747 cockpit worth of buttons and links within tree views within other links just to do something that should take me two seconds.

From Atlassian, the terrorist organization, their manual just says “Click on the first day and drag to that day.”

What fucking day? Drag what? Click here. Where? Then when they show me a video with a stupid hairy person booze-talking about Jenkins and I will feel even more extremely painful confusion when every sane person could have read and written a plain old manual with one illustration and get it right.

I have a master’s degree in computer science but I can’t delete a file so I made an issue about it in Jira but the issue was created in error and now I can’t delete the issue.

The senior expert principal engineer can’t draw a circle in his drawing app, but that has nothing to do with anything.

If we don’t kill the staff at Atlassian, they’re going to kill us.

In the corner of the screen who wants to be on top? “Clear filters” or “Insights”? Me first!

If we don’t kill the staff at Atlassian, they’re gonna kill us.

What if we want the same issue in two projects? Then nothing is possible. But they have 1 trillion USD, they’ve been working on the system for 20 years and we paid them half a million dollars? And they can’t copy a file? Again: If we don’t kill the staff at Atlassian, they’re gonna kill us.

JIRA ruin my day it’s slow and ugly. Jira is a demonic place that will swallow all your time, and haunt your nightmare.

If you see a Confluence page, run for your life little junior developer, it’s too lat for me but it’s still time for you to avoid the darkness.