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| Author admits elsewhere to playing Links, now reviews. by creativepig 04/23/2003, 11:14pm PDT | ||||
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| Microsoft Links 2003
The other week I watched Mike Weir rock the United States (effectively making it the eleventh province) on TV and decided it was time for me to start playing golf again. You see, a few years ago, I used to play golf, but then all of the sudden I found myself blowing money on things like food an rent. Having better budgeted my student loan this year, though, I can afford such things as the hardware store 24-packs of golf balls that most suit my game. Unfortunately, in the time since I hit the driving range, it's snowed a couple of times, so instead I picked up a computer game. The question that comes to mind when reviewing Links 2003 is one of reference. What the hell am I supposed to compare it to? The only other golf games I've played are World Class Leader Board--the choice of CGA vs EGA means it's cutting-edge, right?--and Jack Nicklaus Signature Edition. Because the latter was the greatest golf game ever (as far as I know), I chose it as the benchmark. Links 2003 actually uses my hilariously outdated video card to render scenes--but that's the problem: aside from my hunky golfer model, there's not much to draw that isn't a prerendered scene. So how good is the graphics engine? How the fuck should I know? If you want to see the game in action, check out a screenshot. It's prettier than JNSE, but, for all my elevenfold increase in processor speed and newfangled hardware acceleration, it doesn't redraw any faster. On the sound front, however, the game excels. It unbelievably accurately reproduces the complete silence of playing golf. You get a bird chirp now and again and sometimes are treated to an ambient door slamming or something, but for the most part, you can play with your speakers off. Doing so saves precious electricity or allows you to soundtrack your golf game with The Offspring's Ignition or something equally appropriate, as I do. Links 2003 introduces what has probably been used elsewhere, but Microsoft now calls the PowerStroke. What this is is a way to make your golf game completely unplayable. I sat at the driving range listening to patronizing golf lessons for a good ten minutes and failed to ever hit the green I was shooting for. In fact, I managed to knock the ball backward off the tee once, a feat I haven't even managed in real life since I was eight. A PowerStroke means that you're sliding your mouse across the desk, pretending you were swinging a club. Not only does this make you look like a giant queer, it also tires your wrist rather quickly. Needless to say, I stuck with the Classic Swing, which is the same two- or three-click-with-swing-meter that's been in use since, well, JNSE. Only now, instead of a nice, large, readable straight line, the meter is crammed into an aesthetically pleasing and golf-swing-themed arc that extends 135 degrees just to make it, too, difficult to use. The non-player characters are also a detriment to gameplay. Put simply, they suck. Or rather, they'll sink a 40-foot putt with two yards of break if that's what's necessary to piss you off when you've just triple bogied a hole thanks to the inconsistent chipping meter, but every other drive is short and into the woods. On top of that, instead of admitting that they're clearly cheating and/or throwing the game so you don't get behind more than a few strokes, between each computer-controlled shot, you have to wait for the computer play to "think." What the hell it's thinking about four inches from the cup is a mystery for the ages. Six courses ship with the game, one of which is fictional and none of which I had ever heard of. I suppose there's difficulty getting licenses to recreate courses or something, but in my humble fucking opinion, no golf game should be without Pebble Beach. On the bright side, the game comes with the Arnold Palmer Course Designer, which seems to have an interface bastardized from MAX R1 and twice as unintuitive. Once you scale the learning Heaviside function, though, the only thing holding you back from designing your own perfect course is that case of OCD you've always wanted. In conclusion, this game is no better than Jack Nicklaus Signature Edition. There's more shades of green, water now reflects and hotseat play has been replaced by multiplayer or annoying AI, but really, as a gameplay experience, we haven't come far from 1993. Which, in turn, only made a nerdish enterprise out of a game hundreds of years old. But, since the Golden Bear didn't predict Windows XP, I guess Links 2003 will have to do. And a warning to all else who see the mail-in rebate: it only applies if you have the box top from a previous version. What the shit is that? cp |
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