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| Submitted for Approval/Editing: Red Dragon review by Mischief Maker 04/27/2003, 1:08pm PDT | ||||
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| Firstly, I have seen "Manhunter" and "Silence of the Lambs." I have read none of the books and have not seen "Hannibal." I assume Hannibal was so unfuckingbelievably godawful that in comparison the sheer mediocrity of Red Dragon seemed beautiful to the eyes of all those whose reviews praised it. Kinda like if "The Last Starfighter" was marketed as a prequel to "Battlefield Earth."
I think the mishandling of this film is best summed up in its opening scene. A presumably professional orchestra is playing some song and hannibal is in the audience listening. This one flutist is set up to be hannibal's next victim because he screws up the performance. Is he a little off tune? Does he miss a single note? Does he make some small but human mistake that the evil perfectionist hannibal would find decide is fatally intolerable? You know, have him show the kind of callous disregard for life that might make the audience uncomfortable? Of course not! He's off key, off tempo, hits several wrong notes in a row, flubs his way through mistakes instead of shutting up. This motherfucker wouldn't pass for a high school pep band, much less a professional orchestra. But here he is, doing everything short of shitting his pants to get the audience rooting for hannibal to start up the grill. This film has no balls. The most lasting impression I have from the film is that this is the first movie I've watched and been actively aware the soundtrack's insulting my intelligence. The predominant theme is "HUNDREDS OF VIOLINS SAWING WILDLY AT HIGH DISSONANT NOTES" to let you know when scenes are supposed to be scary. Dude turns on the light to a bedroom revealing blood splattered all over the walls? Shrieking violins. Hannibal leans close to the glass in his cell? Shrieking violins. Special agent Grahm sailing the beautiful Atlantic? Shrieking violins... huh? What? I guess that was so the audience doesn't forget they just finished watching a movie that's got some really freaky shit, dude! There's a technique used in bad movies called an "informed attribute." This is where a character is described by everyone else in the movie as "smart" or "beautiful" or "a great dancer" to inform the audience because nothing the character does in the movie backs this reputation up. In "Manhunter" it's made clear by his actions that agent Grahm is called back out of retirement because he has the unique ability to set himself into the mindset of serial killers, a process that's left him with deep emotional scars. In Red Dragon we just have people saying Ed Norton has "imagination" that everyone else lacks while all he does is notice a couple of missing pieces of evidence the forensic team really should have seen in the first place. Norton's portrayal doesn't so much evoke the tortured yet driven soul as much as a whinier version of IKEA boy without the sense of irony. They do get Anthony Hopkins to play hannibal. Unfortunaely, he's a side character in this story, but since he costs a bajillion dollars to hire these days, Dino De Laurentis crams as much of him into the movie as possible. To make matters worse, they seem to have missed the point that there's more to what made him scary in "Lambs" than his freaky eyes and references to cannibalism. So we get CLOSEUPS! Talk about food! Him eating a gourmet meal in his cell! Shrieking violins!!! There's a few scenes of loud noises and sudden cuts to hannibal in order to get a cheap scare from the audience, turning hannibal into the high-class version of the classic "spring-loaded cat" from B-horror films. Even worse, they actually have Hannibal repeating the most cliche "Evil psychopath to tortured detective" line in history, "You're scared because you're very much like me. As a killer, that is. I'm implying that there's a very fine line seperating criminals from the detectives who pursue them. It's deep. Can we cue the violins?" He comes away being only slightly scarier than Jason Voorhees in "Jason X" (Which, despite its terrible reviews, is a much smarter horror deconstruction than that self-congratulatory crapfest "Scream") "Manhunter" suffered from a lame Hannibal, ridiculous sets, and a burning itching case of "the 80s" worse than Buckaroo Banzai. Still, in every other respect it was superior to this tired cash grab. Ralph Finess' killer is just Norman Bates with crazy tatoos. Every scene with Dr. Chiltern is painfully bad (You see he's a terrible psychologist and Hannibal's constantly outdoing him! Wah-wah-wah.) And those goddamn violins never let any tension build on its own. And as a special bonus, it comes on one of the most obnoxious DVDs I've ever watched. Loooong unskippable cutscene before you get to the menu that gives away several important scenes from the movie, and then when you start playing the movie IT STARTS RUNNING PREVIEWS YOU CAN'T FFWD PAST!!! Now imagine the sound of Shrieking violins. This is to let you know that the DVD is irritating. Got it? |
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Submitted for Approval/Editing: Red Dragon review by 04/27/2003, 1:08pm PDT  See what you think of this by 04/27/2003, 9:10pm PDT You've made my writing into something clear and understandable by 04/27/2003, 11:17pm PDT Re: You've made my writing into something clear and understandable by 04/29/2003, 1:54am PDT Wait a bit. I want to add some final changes/screenshots. Otherwise fine. NT by 04/29/2003, 11:34am PDT You got it; sounds good. NT by 04/29/2003, 12:34pm PDT Fuck you, Mischief! Red Dragon was superior to Manhunter! NT by 04/07/2013, 1:41pm PDT |
