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Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by I need clarification 07/26/2003, 4:18pm PDT
After hearing for years how "rad" and "awesome" Jackie Chan is, I am mildly surprised to see the utter crap he churned out. I hadn't seen a Jackie Chan movie until Boogie Nights (or whatever that movie he made with Chris Tucker was called). God, that was awful. Then I saw a little bit of Shanghai Moon on cable, and that was equally bad. So, I figured everyone was wrong.

"No!" they said. "Not the recent stuff, you have to see what he was doing twenty years ago."

"No, I don't." I replied.

But anyway, today something called The Big Brawl was on cable, and I saw it was made in 1980 and starred Jackie Chan, so I thought, "okay, now is my chance to check out some rad awesomeness."

Holy shit, it sucks worse than Boogie Night and Shanghai Moon put together! Do people actually like this guy? All that mugging, the horrible fight scenes, terrible dialogue... this is maybe the worst shit I've ever seen. All these "death-defying stunts" look like acrobatics to me. Even the Cirque Du Soleil fags don't turn to the camera, make an "owie" face, and pretend to rub their head after a fake board is cracked over it. What the shit is that shit? I ask again, people actually like this shit?

I understand Jackie Chan was a barely-seen extra in Enter The Dragon. He probably should have hung up his chop-socky slippers then.
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Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by I need clarification 07/26/2003, 4:18pm PDT NEW
    Re: Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by Fullofkittens 07/26/2003, 4:27pm PDT NEW
        Re: Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by I need clarification 07/26/2003, 5:53pm PDT NEW
            The only thing even slightly redeeming about that movie by Senor Barborito 07/26/2003, 6:28pm PDT NEW
        Jackie Chan Sucks. by Fussbett 07/27/2003, 4:21pm PDT NEW
            Re: Jackie Chan Sucks. by I need clarification 07/27/2003, 4:34pm PDT NEW
            Speaking of Friendster, K. Thor seems to have really taken to it NT by Choson 07/27/2003, 5:10pm PDT NEW
                i can't help being popular (fake n/t) by K. Thor Jensen 07/29/2003, 1:18pm PDT NEW
    Watch Legend of Drunken Master (or fast foward to the final 15 minutes) by Colonel K 07/26/2003, 4:34pm PDT NEW
        No. I'm done. by I need clarification 07/26/2003, 5:52pm PDT NEW
    Re: Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by Choson 07/26/2003, 5:40pm PDT NEW
        Re: Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by foogla 07/26/2003, 5:48pm PDT NEW
        Re: Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by I need clarification 07/26/2003, 5:51pm PDT NEW
            Re: Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by Choson 07/26/2003, 6:06pm PDT NEW
                Re: Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by I need clarification 07/26/2003, 6:37pm PDT NEW
    Sean Connery always sucks because I saw him in LXG and Highlander 2 NT by Entropy Stew 07/26/2003, 6:22pm PDT NEW
        I guess your point is... by I need clarification 07/26/2003, 6:40pm PDT NEW
            Re: I guess your point is... by Damocles 07/27/2003, 4:51am PDT NEW
                Do not call me stupid when in fact it is YOU who is stupid, Stupid!! by I need clarification 07/27/2003, 6:54pm PDT NEW
                    Re: Do not call me stupid when in fact it is YOU who is stupid, Stupid!! by Choson 07/27/2003, 7:09pm PDT NEW
                    Re: Do not call me stupid when in fact it is YOU who is stupid, Stupid!! by Damocles 07/28/2003, 2:41am PDT NEW
            His earlier work? Like "Zardoz" and "Never say Never Again?" NT by Tom-Foolery Constructor 07/27/2003, 2:19pm PDT NEW
                I think that Burt Reynolds comparison earlier pretty much summed that up. NT by Lizard_King 07/28/2003, 1:38pm PDT NEW
            what about 'on golden pond' or 'terms of endearment'? by sfg 07/29/2003, 9:43pm PDT NEW
    You could watch Iron Monkey. by Flurgendorf J. Creexul 07/27/2003, 5:13am PDT NEW
        Or any Jet Li movie before he sold his soul to Hollywood. NT by TheVacillator 07/27/2003, 9:32am PDT NEW
        Re: You could watch Iron Monkey. by Fussbett 07/27/2003, 3:46pm PDT NEW
            Re: You could watch Iron Monkey. by Choson 07/27/2003, 4:00pm PDT NEW
                Re: You could watch Iron Monkey. by I need clarification 07/27/2003, 4:35pm PDT NEW
                    Re: You could watch Iron Monkey. by E. L. Koba 07/27/2003, 6:20pm PDT NEW
            Steven Chao is Asia's Steve Oedekerk. NT by Chairman Mao 07/28/2003, 1:53am PDT NEW
                Re: Steven Chao is Asia's Steve Oedekerk. by Fussbett 07/28/2003, 1:07pm PDT NEW
                    Re: Steven Chao is Asia's Steve Oedekerk. by Chairman Mao 07/28/2003, 1:36pm PDT NEW
        I lke Creex's suggestion best. by I need clarification 07/27/2003, 4:36pm PDT NEW
    Re: Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by Mischief Maker 07/27/2003, 8:52pm PDT NEW
        Yeah, right. by I need clarification 07/27/2003, 10:26pm PDT NEW
            I think you're looking in the wrong genre. by Lizard_King 07/28/2003, 1:41pm PDT NEW
    Re: Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by curst 07/27/2003, 9:23pm PDT NEW
        Actually, all American Martial arts movies are pussies. by TheVacillator 07/28/2003, 9:42am PDT NEW
            why the hell IS crouching tiger so praised over here? by FABIO 07/28/2003, 9:53am PDT NEW
                It was a Hong Kong movie by an American director by Fullofkittens 07/28/2003, 10:07am PDT NEW
                    The english patient is loved by leaky vaginal cunts everywhere. -nt- by TheVacillator 07/28/2003, 10:34am PDT NEW
                        The Hours was ok. NT by foogla 07/28/2003, 12:37pm PDT NEW
                        every female I've asked also hated The Enlglish Patient NT by FABIO 07/28/2003, 5:38pm PDT NEW
                            They don't admit to it until you catch them. by Lizard_King 08/02/2003, 1:02am PDT NEW
                                Re: They don't admit to it until you catch them. by FABIO 08/02/2003, 4:05am PDT NEW
                Re: why the hell IS crouching tiger so praised over here? by Lizard_King 07/28/2003, 1:45pm PDT NEW
                Crouching boring, hidden stupid, even more hidden I don't fucking care about it. NT by Senor Barborito 07/28/2003, 3:05pm PDT NEW
                    I'm going to have to agree with Fabio on this one. by Lizard_King 08/02/2003, 1:01am PDT NEW
    Re: Old and Young, Jackie Chan Sucks by Moab 07/29/2003, 6:49am PDT NEW
    Try watching the good stuff next time... by 0.02$ 08/02/2003, 1:53pm PDT NEW
 
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