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| Review: Advent Rising by Kab(uke) 06/08/2005, 3:49pm PDT | ||||
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| The things wrong with Advent Rising:
Everything. I know, these are strong words and as of late my credit with the gentry here is not exactly spotless, what with my propensity to show up randomly to scream at someone for being a limp wristed fag. Bear with me and you will see. Frame Rates - The screen jags and hiccups, reloading entire sections of the screen at a sudden turn or when following the main characters leisurely walk. Forget running. Graphics - It is all an ars generica pastiche of what I like to dub Americun-T Anime, all cartoony bright and minimalist designs where everyone accentuates the most cookie cutter stereotypes and all the vehicles have direct analogues in Halo. Control - Sloppy and boring. Enemies show no signs of any fatigue, despite how many faces shots they take, before crumpling unceremoniously. The 'powers' you develop don't even begin to match to the ragdoll fun of Second Sight. Enter neon pink force shields and minor levitation. Story - Oh I could go on about how they managed to drive a dump truck full of money up to Orson Scott Card in order to explain the most piss poor and Mormon centric view of the universe, but I won't. There are all minor elements on the checklist that makes me truly hate this game, the one sin making this piece of shit truly reprobate being Tommy Tallarico. This auto-fellating cunt's association with games has almost made me swear them off for something less gay, like collecting HeroClix figures or LARP. If you don't know Tommy, his claim to fame came from stumbling ass backwards into working on the sound design of Earth Worm Jim. He somehow parlayed this success into several spots as a video game commentator before landing at G4, where he produces a show because that's the only way he'll have a venue to be a fucking MORON. As a cautionary tale he's what everyone can point to with a crooked finger and warn others will evolve from 'playing too many games.' So no, Advent Rising is a piece of shit video game associated with the poster child for everything I have come to hate about the medium. Also: My pre-order bonus prise has 20 minutes of Tommy talking about how the sound design in the game is epic and emotional, with orchestra overlaced with pretentious latin quotes being the most innovative element ever introduced. |
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reviw request: Advent Rising by 06/07/2005, 1:41am PDT  Sims Online didn't sell with hot sexy spokeswomen, so now they're trying uglies. by 06/07/2005, 2:43am PDT Re: Sims Online didn't sell with hot sexy spokeswomen, so now they're trying by 06/07/2005, 7:18am PDT Re: Sims Online didn't sell with hot sexy spokeswomen, so now they're trying by 06/08/2005, 12:48pm PDT Re: Sims Online didn't sell with hot sexy spokeswomen, so now they're trying by 06/08/2005, 5:04pm PDT Don't forget "Moisture Farming" on Naboo NT by 06/07/2005, 2:19pm PDT "You can visit NABOO!" by 06/07/2005, 8:42pm PDT SWG Expansion: It's Star Wars...in SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE! NT by 06/08/2005, 9:13am PDT SWG Expansion II: Fucking Rage of the Wookies NT by 06/08/2005, 3:50pm PDT Review: Advent Rising by 06/08/2005, 3:49pm PDT Re: Review: Advent Rising by 06/08/2005, 4:16pm PDT yeah I kind of figured that was the case :( by 06/08/2005, 8:55pm PDT Re: Review: Advent Rising by 06/09/2005, 3:06am PDT |
