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Castelvania DS: Elegy of the Homo by Kabuke 10/09/2005, 1:53am PDT
Castlevania - Dawn of Sorrow

Initial Reaction: WHY?! Why do they stubbornly cling to delegating the titling of their games to a random word generator?

The second thing to assault me?
Hint: More gay.

The incredible faggotry of the game's boxart is most closely echoed by the jittery tracings of a favorite JAPanimé character tucked lovingly into the cover of a highschool binder. Despite my best hopes it managed to limp wrist it into the game itself in the form of both an opening animation and stills accompanying typed dialogue. Luckily both are easily skipped.

Now rather than built up needless suspense and pull the 180° everyone is expecting, I'll dispense with the bullshit by stating simply that this latest iteration continues to provide everything I've grown to love about this severely malnurished genre AND MORE. It's a damn decent excuse to waste the money on a DS.
Ready for a monocle popping surprise?
I said almost the exact same bullshit about the last one.

The gameplay? Fuck you, read my last review and splash in a little more pink keep up in step with the rapid inflation of the gay around here.
Secret fuck you directed at BDR for pulling a VAG and pussying out leaving, that cumdumpster of a turd burgling homo. It was much cooler and simutaneously ingored when I did the exact same thing.
I keed, I keed.

There was much emphasis in trailers on using the DS stylus in such riveting sequences as chipping at onscreen ice to make available stairs for the main character. Honestly, that happens only a few times and the stylus is almost exclusively limited to tracing Jew-ey stars of GAY-vid (FUCK YOU INC) in order to seal away and end the many entertaining boss battles.

Of course the plot is still as gay as a cel- shaded Paul "Uncle Arthur" Lynde gangbang, complete with Matrix pan slow-mo money shots, but that's expected. In fact, it is bordering on a kitsch that really can't be emulated because there is such an ardent sincerity to the way the game tries to present this piss-poor plot. What I DIDN'T expect was for the art style to match this time around.

Now seeing as my list of concrete grievances are so few I'll substitute them with imaginary ones such as firm belief, substantiated by nothing so firm as even looking, that this style of game exists no where outside of the portable system. I'll narrow it further, outside a NINTENDO portable system. Fucking PSP, dragging it's ass. That and they all smack of side projects produced only to exploit specific branding, sales that seem to startle everyone associated with these projects and lastly a desire to punk me, personally.

This is confirmed by an interview in Dave Halverson's fucking nutty magazine, Play.

Question: We switched to a different art style because..

Koji 'Iga' Igarashi wrote:

Simply because of Ms. (Ayami) Kojima's schedule. Aside from that, my think (is that) the target audience of the DS overlaps with the GBA. So, we made the decision to go with an anime style, because we wanted to also get younger audiences.

Jesusfuck, not only couldn't they be bothered to trouble their in-house artist to, ya know, work, they now consider the target demographics of my favorite genre limited tp 7-9 year olds

In short: It's a really good game that ratchets everything up a notch or ten. Sadly this was an indiscriminate lavishing as this includes all the queer. Anyways, fucking buy it already.
Castelvania DS: Elegy of the Homo by Kabuke 10/09/2005, 1:53am PDT
    that crazy random word generator by athodyd 10/22/2005, 11:22pm PDT
        Fuck you by Kabuke 10/23/2005, 12:28am PDT
            Denying Ico had crates, missing painfully obvious titles, cribbing ES jokes :( NT by FABIO 10/23/2005, 2:54am PDT
                Sarcasm, Fabio. by Kabuke 10/23/2005, 12:01pm PDT
                    sure sure NT by FABIO 10/24/2005, 3:51am PDT
                        You cunt, just don't post. by Kabuke 10/24/2005, 4:13am PDT
                            Re: You cunt, just don't post. by FABIO 10/24/2005, 5:53am PDT
                                Re: You cunt, just don't post. by Kabuke 10/24/2005, 1:15pm PDT
                                    It's agreed: the Citroen DS is Konami's best car yet NT by athodyd 10/24/2005, 9:06pm PDT
                                        Dee Ess? WHAT'S WITH THESE RANDOM ACRONYMS!!!!! NT by claptorp's Kabuke 10/24/2005, 9:18pm PDT
                                            ROFL by Is Gay 10/24/2005, 10:19pm PDT
                                            Ran out of pics to inline? by Kabuke 10/24/2005, 10:23pm PDT
                                                I wonder if it has something to do with by athodyd 10/26/2005, 7:08pm PDT
                                                    Re: I wonder if it has something to do with by Quentin Beck 10/26/2005, 7:22pm PDT
                                                        Fucking cookies NT by Kabuke 10/26/2005, 8:17pm PDT
                                                    Re: I wonder if it has something to do with by FABIO 10/26/2005, 7:53pm PDT
                                                        The Fabio in his natural domain... by Kabuke 10/26/2005, 8:26pm PDT
                                                            Re: The Fabio in his natural domain... by Quentin Beck 10/26/2005, 8:41pm PDT
                                                                Yeah... by Kabuke 10/26/2005, 8:49pm PDT
                                                            Nature documentary jab. Congrats, you're a real (caltrops) woman now. NT by FABIO 10/26/2005, 8:42pm PDT
                                                            What is it about French cars that gets to you so much? by athodyd 10/26/2005, 9:31pm PDT
                                                                That crazy Zseni! NT by Not gone for long 10/26/2005, 9:46pm PDT
                                                                    The funny part is that I couldn't even remember if you and Zseni were different by people. athodyd 10/26/2005, 10:00pm PDT
                                                                        the facts by FABIO 10/27/2005, 5:44am PDT
                                                                            Re: the facts by some kind of water pipe 02/21/2006, 11:01pm PST
                                                                                See what you've done, Quentin? NT by Johnny Merzbow 02/21/2006, 11:35pm PST
    Re: Castelvania DS: Elegy of the Homo NT by Quentin Beck 02/21/2006, 8:01pm PST
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