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| Christ! We've got our money's worth today! by Quentin Beck 04/22/2007, 11:07pm PDT | ||||
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| Let's get cracking!
ICJ is in trouble. His pic on the getlamp site is mucked in with a bunch of old wisened types who look like they're halfway through an opinion piece on Panzers for the history channel. These men look approachable. The ones that aren't smiling look as if they're thinking about something harmless and obscure. ICJ's got his work cut out for him! Unfortunately, he struggles to make the grade. He looks neither friendly nor thoughtful. As other readers of this thread have implied with their comments regarding his furniture: he's not the type of guy your eye is drawn to. So, let's start with his surroundings. Perhaps most importantly, he has an old arcade machine in front of a window blocking out light, air, and views of the outside. The sunlight will also probably reduce the working life of his arcade machines. So, already, we're off on the wrong foot with this guy. We're thinking he's a fucking idiot. On top of that, everything in the shot - from the wallpaper to his shirt - is coloured some drab shade of brown, most of it light brown - the colour of unhealthy shit. People have already commented on the dinky lamp thing. The whole environment looks like a fucking embarrassment. It looks like the waiting room of a country hosptial, or the youth group centre of an underfunded church. You know you're in bad shape when you have to pull your eyes away from a room that drab just to acknowledge a man sitting front and center of the photo. For a start, he's slouched, half asleep on his sofa wearing one of those big american gridiron/hockey tops that look like shit on everyone. Still, how's a guy his age with dyed blonde hair on what's left of his receding hairline gonna look in a stiff collared shirt? He's too old to be dying his hair, and he does have a bit of a dutch look about him, so many people will assume he's naturally blonde, but I don't buy it. I think he plays on this assumption. If he does, he's stupid to. Blonde hair makes old people look older. Unless you're working in Asia, dye it brown after you turn 25. I would expect a guy like him to have a goatee, but he hasn't, and he deserves some credit for that. But, I believe that's more to do with him wanting a break from facial hair than because of any restraint on his part. Which is to say, I believe he's had facial hair for a good part of his life. That's unless he's naturally blonde, in which case he doesn't have a goatee only because he can't grow one. There's nothing very wrong with his face. It's not like he's stuck with Creexul's fat nose/neanderthal forehead, or, say, Ray's bent nose, but he's no Fabio, and Fabio's no stud. I also think his weight will mislead a lot of people into thinking that if he lost a few Kgs, he'd look a treat. People, the guy has no jaw. You're not turning that face around. Overall, I'm quite satisfied with ICJ. I expected him to be older and thinner and less of a goof. Appearing more dorky than geeky shouldn't have come as a surprise to me but it did. Another surprise is that that I rank him 6/10, which, as you will soon see, is below the mark I give JW. Jerry! It was only a matter of time. He'd alluded to photos of himself he'd put up on the internet for the inspection of strangers in the past. I must say, I'm very pleasently surprised! Unlike ICJ, he is someone who'd benefit from losing weight. Although, that will only worsen the effects of his height problem. At least, as fat as he is now, the guy has some presence. People are going to say sorry if they knock a book out of his hands. The guy is short. He's less than a foot from what I hope is a SUV door and he still doesn't reach its top. Even if he wanted to lose weight, the problem is that he doesn't get out enough to make it worth the bother of eating the unsatisfying mouse size portions necessary to keep a guy that tiny at a socially acceptable weight. He puts these pic's up on the net to see if the world will let him away with it stuffing his mouth until he's happy, but the 6.2 HoN rating should answer that question pretty conclusively. I think 6.2 is a bit harsh. I gave him 7 and think he has the potential to be a 7.5 - 8 (in a dark bar or behind a strong ambient light source). He has nice eyes and an interesting expression for a guy on the receiving end of a drive-by photograph. As much as I hate to say it, I think the stubble IS helping his cause here, to some degree. EVen without the fat, the guy has a round face. If there is a jaw under that blubber, it's gonna cut too sharp and too low from under the ears to be handsome by Hollywood standards. That said, I don't think stubble on round faces is the best way of fooling the world into thinking you have a jaw. Sure, you look better at a distance, but you look worse up close, which has the unhappy effect of making strangers think better of you then those who deal with you on a day to day basis. Here's my tip: shave at night so you wake up with a five o'clock shadow. At a distance, it will have the same appearance as longer 'beard like' stubble, but it looks less slovenly on closer inspection. Keep them coming, boys. We've got half a Fussbett pic, and an MM pic still to come, but if INC doesn't look anything like a snarky Nick Cave, I'd rather not see him. |
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