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| Top Ten Best Things About National Treasure (chronologically) by Bill Dungsroman 01/07/2005, 12:57am PST | ||||
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| 10. In the opening scene, we see Nic Cage as a young lad. He's with Christopher Plummer, his grandpa. Then, Jon Voight comes in, and he's his dad, even though Plummer and Voight aren't more than 5-10 years apart in age, if that. Then, Cage ages 30 years while Voight does not. Movie magic!
9. They travel above the Arctic Circle and find a "sunken" 200-year-old ship. Cage digs about four inches to unearth it, with the piece he finds luckily having the name of the ship emblazoned on it. 8. The ship is as sturdy as it ever was. Someone even uses a railing rope to steady himself. 7. The ship is full of gunpowder. It blows up, all of it dramatically except the part Cage and Dermot Mulroney's Mini-Me is hiding in. 6. One of the bad guys' name is Phil. 5. Cage's arch-rival is literally only minutes behind him, even though Cage always has all the clues and artifacts to get those clues. Throwaway scenes show his arch-rival Boromir figure it out in his head things that Cage and his gang couldn't unless they used maps and goggles and what not to deduce. I'll mention at this point that Cage's original value to the bad guy was his innate ability to figure this stuff out. Bean even knows about mysterious artifacts that no one really ever knew about, or at least didn't know were involved in the treasure hunt. He just, you know, fucking knows. 4. When Cage is rescued/taken prisoner by the bad guys, his cohorts call his cell phone and tell him they are hiding across the street from the bad guy leader. Amazingly, they get captured! 3. When Cage and the gang try to barter for their lives with clues (this film loves the word "clue"), Bean leaves them to die anyway! The nerve! 2. The film would have you believe that, at some point in time, our Founding Fathers / The Freemasons dug a bottomless pit. 1. America will pay you a finder's fee for treasure, even if it's buried under a church in the continental US and you had to illegally break in to get it. Errata: Cage's character is named Benjamin Franklin Gates, the female lead is the hot Republican from The West Wing and speaks with an esoteric accent (IRL and/or just in the film, but pointless either way), and they have the most unromantic on-screen kiss ever. |
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BDR likes seeing action movies with his Dad NT by 10/05/2004, 11:22pm PDT  The guy's a fucking loser NT by 10/06/2004, 3:43am PDT Remember when he went to Behind Enemy Lines with his Dad? by 10/06/2004, 5:57pm PDT Remember when INC didn't hide under Mysterio? by 10/06/2004, 6:42pm PDT Haha I knew you would think that's me. (It isn't) by 10/07/2004, 11:48am PDT Top Ten Best Things About National Treasure (chronologically) by 01/07/2005, 12:57am PST Re: Top Ten Best Things About National Treasure (chronologically) by 01/07/2005, 5:45am PST Re: Top Ten Best Things About National Treasure (chronologically) by 01/07/2005, 11:20am PST |
