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| Yes! It's even more crying! by Quétinbec 07/18/2009, 5:22pm PDT | ||||
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| If Irene gets hysterical at her flat, everyone can hear it. I don't mind her yelling or crying because those are reasonably normal things, but when she gets hysterical, she screams and smashes things over like she's being murdered. She doesn't give a fuck but it's very, very embarrassing for me.
When she's just furious, it's OK because I can let her hit me a few times and act really hurt which affects her, and then I can wrestle her to the ground and the situation settles down or becomes a joke. When she's mostly sad, I can provoke her into a fury and do the above, or I can try and cheer her up. No problem! When we're somewhere people can hear us and she goes crazy, I can't do shit and I just have to take it. I can't talk to her because she can't listen. I stand a safe distance away and hope she won't be too loud. Besides all her crazy mood swings, you can also see how confused she is - like she doesn't know what she's doing. I can't be violent because there's a risk she'll scream horribly. Usually, I have to switch myself off and wait until she simmers down and starts to look JUST sad or angry which are emotions that are consistent enough to kind of predict how she'll react to anything you might do. If I'm guilty in some way of putting her in these states, it becomes much more difficult for me to manage her, because I'm less comfortable being violent, which is the best way of speeding up or resolving these incidents. A few months ago, she went through my gmail while I was in the shower and saw an email I'd written to my Mum telling her how Irene had lied about losing her EFTPOS card to get me to pay for everything. Irene flipped out about this in the middle of the night while all her flatmates were sleeping. She wouldn't hit me and she wouldn't let me touch her. She wanted me to leave her house and get a hotel, but I refused, so she kept trying to sneak into the kitchen to do fuck knows what. I thought I can't let her into the kitchen because she'll either get a knife to threaten me with or scream and slam doors and drive off somewhere. Either way, there will be a huge embarrassing scene in the middle of the night. Confine the incident to the bedroom where her flatmates will be less likely to intervene. She was mostly being quiet enough that they should only think it was a heated argument. For 30 minutes she cursed at me and my family and went on about how she was a poor old lady I was abusing. Apart from blocking her from the doorway, I was totally passive. She didn't seem to be getting tired, though, or simmering down. She has so much energy. In these cases, it becomes more about waiting for me to get angry enough to act than waiting for her to become calm enough to be reasonable. So, after about 30 minutes of standing there listening to her crazy shit, I got close enough to her for her to slap out at me again. This time, quick as I could, I grabbed her by the throat, slammed her face into the scrunched up duvet on the bed, and pulled her arm behind her back and squeezed her hand back as hard as I could. It had to be a total surprise to her because I'd been zoning out for the last 30 minutes which was perfect because my biggest concern was that she'd scream out and alarm her flatmates, and people don't seem to scream when they're surprised by violence. They scream when they're surprised by the threat of violence, but when they're surprised by actual violence, they just make dumb soft noises. I thought if she screams, I'll push her mouth harder into the duvet and squeeze and pull her hand back further. I really wanted to hurt her because at the time I hated her and thought she was truly crazy but she didn't scream much at all I don't think. Shortly after I slammed her on the bed, she started crying, and it wasn't a slow, sad "poor me" weep; it was a cry with little gap between sobs, like a child's cry, and it was a shocking change for her to go in seconds from a frightening abusive nutjob to this crying little Malaysian farm girl with her face in a duvet and her arm behind her back. It was like all the bullshit things in her life that had warped her had disappeared for a moment in that act of violence. It was very sad. I'm flying up to see her again on Wednesday. It'll probably be the last time I see her before I leave. She thinks it'll be the last time I see her ever and has been threatening to kill me. I ignore her when she talks like that. I told her it's evil talk and if she says it again I'll stay somewhere else and then she'll have no one. So she's stopped the death threats but has instead been sending me cryptic texts and Skypes accusing me of stuff like taking her knives to keep her from killing me. I try to be reasonable in the hope she picks up on her own craziness: [18/07/2009 6:09:47 p.m.] QB: hi [18/07/2009 6:10:44 p.m.] Irene Wong: so can u explain now? [18/07/2009 6:11:03 p.m.] QB: i don't think someone came into your room and stole your knife [18/07/2009 6:11:59 p.m.] Irene Wong: so that mean the only suspect is you! [18/07/2009 6:12:16 p.m.] QB: but if i took your knife, how would i get it on the plane? [18/07/2009 6:12:45 p.m.] Irene Wong: put in the luggage [18/07/2009 6:13:08 p.m.] QB: they don't let you take knives in your carry on, fuckhead [18/07/2009 6:14:27 p.m.] Irene Wong: then someone must came into my room n steal it when i was not around [18/07/2009 6:14:40 p.m.] QB: how about you losing it behind your bed? [18/07/2009 6:14:50 p.m.] QB: or leaving it on the bench and then someone mistaking it for their own? [18/07/2009 6:15:05 p.m.] QB: hang on, dinner. back in sec [18/07/2009 6:32:26 p.m.] QB: ok retard, i'm back [18/07/2009 6:32:30 p.m.] QB: what do you have to say for yourself? [18/07/2009 6:34:12 p.m.] QB: come on now! [18/07/2009 6:36:38 p.m.] Irene Wong: Shut up cunt how do i know it just gone after u left [18/07/2009 6:36:55 p.m.] QB: i'm sorry [18/07/2009 6:37:00 p.m.] QB: but what were you saying [18/07/2009 6:40:30 p.m.] Irene Wong: i dont know someone must have taken it! [18/07/2009 6:40:57 p.m.] QB: usually when something that cheap and crappy goes missing, it's because you've misplaced it [18/07/2009 6:41:11 p.m.] QB: no one's going to break into your room and just steal a knife [18/07/2009 6:41:23 p.m.] QB: why wouldn't they also steal your laptop? [18/07/2009 6:42:07 p.m.] Irene Wong: As that would be too obvious then shithead! [18/07/2009 6:42:37 p.m.] QB: you're a fucking retard [18/07/2009 6:43:01 p.m.] QB: who gives a fuck about a $2 knife? [18/07/2009 6:45:06 p.m.] Irene Wong: Cant i have special love for that knife?! [18/07/2009 6:45:21 p.m.] QB: why? what did you plan on cutting with it? [18/07/2009 6:46:44 p.m.] Irene Wong: As i said great knife can do many things! [18/07/2009 6:47:24 p.m.] Irene Wong: Did u remember where u put it? [18/07/2009 6:47:35 p.m.] QB: fuck you and your knife [18/07/2009 6:48:36 p.m.] Irene Wong: Are you jeolous wt my knife? [18/07/2009 6:48:52 p.m.] QB: are you fucking crazy? [18/07/2009 6:49:00 p.m.] QB: shut up about your knife [18/07/2009 6:49:26 p.m.] Irene Wong: Where did u go then? [18/07/2009 6:49:56 p.m.] QB: you're a fucking retard [18/07/2009 6:50:01 p.m.] QB: don't talk to me about your knife again [18/07/2009 6:50:19 p.m.] Irene Wong: Why? [18/07/2009 6:50:43 p.m.] QB: why should i give a fuck about a $2 knife you lost 2 months ago?! [18/07/2009 6:54:13 p.m.] Irene Wong: As i never like to lose anything i love! [18/07/2009 6:54:41 p.m.] QB: buy yourself some rabbits |
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