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| Twin Peaks (spoilerz) by Mischief Maker 01/08/2011, 5:47pm PST | ||||
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| I finally got around to watching that fantastic show a few months ago and just saw the final episode. I want, I WANT to write a slobbery blowjob post about how great the show was, but that ending just pissed me off so much!
I remember hearing a joke Leonard Nimoy made about the script for Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, "You can't have Kirk turn to the audience at the end and say, 'Sorry, we couldn't find him!'" THAT'S THE FUCKING ENDING TO TWIN PEAKS! If the guy passing through the black lodge doesn't have perfect courage, his soul will be obliterated. WHELP, COOPER DIDN'T HAVE PERFECT COURAGE. THANKS FOR WATCHING! I'm not even saying that cooper failing in the black lodge couldn't have worked as an ending, it was that he failed over fucking Heather Graham. That chick is like a female Keanu Reeves. Her performance was more wooden than the log lady's log. Any time she is cast in a role that doesn't involve full frontal nudity, an angel dies. The screen was dripping with sexual tension from the first moment Cooper laid eyes on Sherilyn Fenn's Audrey Horn and said, "Freshly Squeezed." With Heather Graham it's scene after awkward scene of, "Lets talk about how much we are falling in love with each other. I never thought I would ever fall in love so totally with someone. Keep saying we're in love, we've nearly convinced the audience." YOU DID NOT EARN COOPER BEING WILLING TO SACRIFICE HIS SOUL FOR HER! I have pretty much exactly the same thing to say about Billy Zane's boring bland pretty boy for Audrey. Did the same idiot executive who insisted on revealing Laura Palmer's killer early also come in and say, "I want to instantly eliminate the attraction between the lead and the femme fatale. Have them both meet someone who is 'perfect' for them, no matter how dramatically boring that would be." I hate because I love the rest of the show that much. I don't get how after Twin Peaks was such a gigantic hit they didn't even give Mulholland Drive a chance. I'm beginning to wonder how much entertainment industry decisions really are based on cold hard cash, and how much is just premised on whether the Frat boys bankrolling the project personally enjoy it. Though all this bitching about the awkward love story has lodged the thought in my mind that if anyone could make an unexpectedly touching love soliloquy based around his dislike for sand, it would be Dale Cooper. Is "Fire Walk With Me" worth it? |
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