Forum Overview :: Duke Nukem Forever
 
Re: I got some Duke. LET'S GO BROUSSARD! by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/03/2013, 12:38am PST
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:

Most game reviewers are simply trying to get a job making games worse than the ones they are reviewing for a game company. They'd give life on Mars a 7 out of 10 if it meant they could leverage it into a junior design gig for Rockstar. Acting as worthless as possible, they suck as much cock as possible 364 days of the year, only deigning to rip the schlong out and get "tough" when faced with a closed developer like 3D Realms. Herp derp, the floodgates are now open. No time for fucking around here, the full range from 1 to 100 is now in play. What a bunch of transparent cunts. It would have been more useful if they stuck to their scale and gave DNF a 6.6 or something so I could actually gauge what they think, even though I hate whatever they do think. Every DNF review I've read has been just as awful and tedious as the opening bits to the game itself. Reviewers in 2011 don't have to regularly employ sarcasm or vitriol because you don't need those things to suck a nice, thick, juicy dick, and everyone who got their review posted on this game as soon as possible show how their writing chops have withered and wasted away.


I guess Jon St. John sent an autographed picture to the vermin that reviewed his game.

http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/1rz1i2/my_friend_is_a_games_journalist_he_gave_duke/

Another example of a reviewer realizing it was "safe" to give a negative review to a game and going away from the 7-9 scale. They are such pieces of garbage.

His last three reviews?

Rocksmith -- 9
Dead Rising 3 -- 8
Resogun -- 9


ICJ
PREVIOUS NEXT REPLY QUOTE
 
I got some Duke. LET'S GO BROUSSARD! NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 06/13/2011, 11:09am PDT NEW
    Re: I got some Duke. LET'S GO BROUSSARD! by Ice Cream Jonsey 06/14/2011, 4:39pm PDT NEW
        The entire intro reminded me of your Postal 2 review, minus the interactivity NT by WITTGENSTEIN 06/14/2011, 4:47pm PDT NEW
        Re: I got some Duke. LET'S GO BROUSSARD! by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/03/2013, 12:38am PST NEW
    This is the most positive review I've read of the game so far. NT by Flack 06/14/2011, 5:35pm PDT NEW
        Re: This is the most positive review I've read of the game so far. by Ice Cream Jonsey 06/14/2011, 10:57pm PDT NEW
            Re: This is the most positive review I've read of the game so far. by Jason Scott 06/14/2011, 11:46pm PDT NEW
                Sarah Palin died? NT by Flack 06/15/2011, 2:29am PDT NEW
                Well, Twitter is a loaded gun. by Ice Cream Jonsey 06/15/2011, 2:28pm PDT NEW
                    More on the Palin death story plz, Woodstein by laudablepuss 06/15/2011, 2:52pm PDT NEW
                    Twitter is serious business. Redner should respect deez nuts. NT by Orange Devil Bat 06/15/2011, 7:36pm PDT NEW
                    Re: Well, Twitter is a loaded gun. by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/24/2020, 10:57pm PDT NEW
            http://www.wired.com/underwire/2011/06/alt-text-duke-nukem-pr/ by Wired 06/24/2011, 12:21pm PDT NEW
                Start to Ocarina of Time: 13 Paragraphs NT by Objective VG Review Review Scale 06/25/2011, 12:42am PDT NEW
    Here come the people trying to "fix" Duke by Souffle of Pain 02/03/2014, 6:47am PST NEW
        Did this guy play the Shadow Warrior remake? Without the humor, there just NT by wasn't a game. --Retro 02/03/2014, 11:05am PST NEW
        I'm sick and tired of the antics of a franchise's first release since 1996 NT by fabio 02/03/2014, 5:47pm PST NEW
            Prone to mid-day spasms of anger, veins bulging on franchise that isn't his NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 02/03/2014, 6:52pm PST NEW
        The story can be whatever they want, as long as they make it a top-down ARPG NT by with XP and tech trees. 02/05/2014, 5:24pm PST NEW
            Maybe Gearbox is going to share their random loot generator with these guys? by Jerry Whorebach 02/05/2014, 6:01pm PST NEW
 
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