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by ndd 09/26/2011, 10:37pm PDT |
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Mischief Maker wrote:
I apologize for being a huge dickhead, and wish to make it clear that I am willing to actually read what you write rather than take the first two words of any post and whirl off into fantasyland.
ok first off here's a picture of a liger so you have something to look at and be chill about
if you find yourself overheating with the urge to correct my wrongness later, just flip back up to the liger and be like "that cat is cool, I should be cool too."
Keep in mind this is all very recent thinking. This whole business fell into place like a non-sequitur, like if there was a big building being constructed and it was square like a bank and all marble and gold inside like a bank and bankers kept roaming around it and then like a week before it opens the letters were set over the door and read TEMPLE.
My brother and I were out at dinner a few weeks ago and we were talking over sushi about how I'd dodged a bullet by not going to law school. SORRY MM, BUT THIS IS ACTUALLY THE CONVERSATION WE HAD, NO INSULT INTENDED (see liger.) Law is a razed field right now and I would have had a hard joyless slog ahead of me. "But you know," I giggled, pouring another cup of sake for myself. "I always wanted to be a minister. I mean in the Careers I Should Have Had sense."
Bro was surprised by this.
I was also surprised by this. I mean, I'd made jokes about it before with friends - concocting fabulous fantasies of life as a parish priest and laughing about it, but, you know... also not laughing. Stating it outright to my brother made it feel more real and dangerous.
From then on I kept turning it over and over again in my mind: I've looked at this or that career, and considered dispassionately to pursue Whatever Trend X for personal gain; how much different could this be. I'm not that old. If I wanted to start tomorrow, what would it take?
So yes, I began at the end: "I want to be a minister" and then considering the ramnifications. At the same time - had I not been in church choir as a kid? More importantly hadn't I had a lot of serious conversations with God as a child, imagining myself to be pious and imagining that there was something effective in faith? Hadn't I written all those stupid sermons, and Latin credos on the first page of every journal I failed to fill... And my library - there are a lot of books about math and physics and chemistry and yaoi, granted, but the ones with the spines most cracked are Bede's Ecclesiastical History Of England and Froissart's Chronicles and The Black Book Of Caermarthen above all, John Donne, in poetry and prose.
Hadn't I conceived of a business of reading tarot cards (this is something I know so much about it would disgust you, probably.) And in the tradition of Crowley and Waite, which is to say: esoteric Christianity and Judaism. I'd hoped to use the cards as an excuse to give people good advice. That really was meant as a con, however benevolent.
Hadn't I gone from church to temple to synagogue, week after week, pretending it was a series of sociological field trips.
It was all "legal" as long as I didn't take it seriously. You might recall I had a similar attitude towards women once: they were supposed to be stupid beasts that I, exceptional creature that I am, could prey upon for the amusement of those who really mattered (men.) Religion and spirituality were supposed to be areas of pointless and brainless arcana, ritual without purpose - psychological masturbation. Something I could master and laugh at. Yet I found myself curiously defensive, and even while telling people "there's nothing in this," I knew enough about it to teach. (When you're a little older, I'll show you my series of lessons in esoteric Tarot.)
The bag I was left holding in the midst of these ruminations was: what sort of person jokes about being a minister?
Therefore I determined to go to church. But which church? Have you read the Bible? The god of the Old Testament is sulky and insane, and Jesus is a spectacular attention whore who occasionally says something clever about getting along with other people. Even as allegorical entities I couldn't get started with gods like that; Allah fell under the same purview. Buddhism? Hinduism? Transmigrations and destinies are cool and all but that's... not.... how I feel life should be lived or people should be judged. Why this complex mechanism of divine retribution and reshuffling? Why play head games about desire when you give yourself away by making the rules and roles different for women? Shinto? Asatru? Pretty stories, but they seemed to miss the point; looking further into paganism crystallized why.
As much sympathy as I have for the idea of sacred groves and natural spirits, these things fall short. Trees and deer are not the point. The point is that we live in a vast emptiness continuously consumed by entropy, and life is the only argument the universe has ever made against entropy. We the unlikely, beneficiaries of this happy accident, are the only things that turn back the clock and extend willfully into the darkness.
I don't believe in a god, at least not in the sense of Sky Dad. I don't believe in souls. I don't think we're ruled by a divine intelligence, nor told what we ought to do by some transcendental authority. Humans are the only game in town as far as improving the lot of humans is concerned. With that said, ceremony and philosophy, and their conjured fruit, religion, are things that have the positive power to enrich some people (myself being foremost in my thoughts at this turn); morality is a lever upon which one might rest enough weight to shift human sympathies and actions. Considering all of this, it seemed to me that life was worth revering and people were worth guiding and protecting, that religion was not empty rite, and that there was no reason to act coy about having spiritual sentiments anymore.
Rather than pretend it was all meaningless bullshit, I could take it seriously.
It was just a matter of finding a body of likeminded people at that point. Unitarian Universalism is an awkward faith in that one can't point to it and declare its superiority by age, size, political power, or general acceptance; however it was unique in that it required me to make no philosophical compromises. I can see how that would be a deficiency to some people - people who believe religion ought to be about sacrifice and submission - but I find I'm unable to be uncomfortable with it.
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guys I think I might have figured out what I want to do for grad school. by ndd 09/24/2011, 10:59pm PDT 
Who posted all these Granny and Yaoi Porn pictures all over the church?!! NT by Mischief Maker 09/24/2011, 11:16pm PDT
you're just jealous by ndd 09/24/2011, 11:19pm PDT
ARE YOU READY FOR THIS POWERRRRR by Gutsby 09/25/2011, 12:11am PDT
Re: ARE YOU READY FOR THIS POWERRRRR by ndd 09/25/2011, 12:27am PDT
Oh by the way read Day of the Oprichnik by Vladimir Sorokin. NT by Gutsby 09/25/2011, 7:12am PDT
i'll look for it, but also from the reviews, etc. etc. "russia's drift towards by ndd 09/26/2011, 1:16am PDT
Don't worry, that's a tiny part of it and exactly the most obvious thing to say. NT by Gutsby 09/26/2011, 4:48am PDT
Delicious. I need that in mp3 form NT by Entropy Stew 09/25/2011, 5:34pm PDT
you'll have to strip it off the video :( the album was released on vinyl and it NT by refuses to show up online -ndd 09/26/2011, 1:09am PDT
Re: you're just jealous by Mischief Maker 09/25/2011, 2:12am PDT
bitch are you for real by ndd 09/25/2011, 2:57am PDT
Re: bitch are you for real by Mischief Maker 09/25/2011, 2:16pm PDT
Re: bitch are you for real by ndd 09/25/2011, 3:07pm PDT
Everything is dumb, so just do nothing. NT by Worm 09/25/2011, 4:17pm PDT
Nihilism will only get you so far NT by Entropy Stew 09/25/2011, 5:50pm PDT
It certainly won't get you a million dollars, Dude (at least Nazism is an ethos) NT by Walter Sobchek 09/26/2011, 8:04pm PDT
If you want to make a million dollars, you should start your own religion. NT by L.Ron Hubbard 09/26/2011, 8:15pm PDT
Re: bitch are you for real by Mischief Maker 09/25/2011, 5:15pm PDT
Re: bitch are you for real by ndd 09/25/2011, 5:47pm PDT
Re: bitch are you for real by Mischief Maker 09/25/2011, 9:53pm PDT
Re: bitch are you for real by ndd 09/25/2011, 11:59pm PDT
I suggest flashpowder and a secret trapdoor for whenever you get questioned. by Mischief Maker 09/26/2011, 8:45am PDT
this by Fullofkittens 09/26/2011, 9:40am PDT
Thanks for that enlightening post, Reverend Strawman NT by Mysterio 09/30/2011, 7:40pm PDT
Who's the patron saint of weak sarcasm? NT by Mischief Maker 09/30/2011, 7:57pm PDT
It's a conversation I've had with many IRL religious friends by Fullofkittens 10/01/2011, 5:33am PDT
Sure you did. I give up. Fuck this forum. NT by Mysterio 10/01/2011, 6:30am PDT
but you've spent the whole time by ndd 09/26/2011, 10:26am PDT
Wait a second, what religious idea ISN'T made up shit? NT by Worm 09/26/2011, 11:14am PDT
Zseni is correct. MM is putting words in her mouth. NT by Caltrops Referee 09/26/2011, 12:15pm PDT
don't stop him! it's hilariously revealing. by up with pod people 09/26/2011, 12:18pm PDT
Her silence equals assent. NT by Mischief Maker 09/26/2011, 3:51pm PDT
I hate to stop you when you're just getting warmed up with your "rape 'n reason" by ndd 09/26/2011, 8:41pm PDT
*settles down* by Mischief Maker 09/26/2011, 9:05pm PDT
Re: *settles down* by ndd 09/26/2011, 10:37pm PDT
Re: *settles down* by Mischief Maker 09/27/2011, 6:28pm PDT
Re: *settles down* by ndd 09/27/2011, 7:01pm PDT
Re: *settles down* by Mischief Maker 09/27/2011, 9:07pm PDT
Re: *settles down* by ndd 09/27/2011, 9:15pm PDT
*dies of boredom* NT by Mischief Maker 09/27/2011, 11:17pm PDT
Then what ARE your ideas? NT by Mischief Maker 09/26/2011, 3:46pm PDT
Religious practice is an ancient and profound matter of ordering the world. by Gutsby 09/26/2011, 6:23pm PDT
Galileo and the Inquisition coexisted so comfortably! NT by Mischief Maker 09/26/2011, 7:09pm PDT
Rebels challenging the social order killed? By a designated authoritarian force? by Gutsby 09/26/2011, 7:23pm PDT
Man, where else but Caltrops could I go to listen to a white guy with a silver by spoon in his ass talk shit about re 09/26/2011, 8:15pm PDT
Don't like it? Go watch the Presidential debates. NT by Mischief Maker 09/27/2011, 10:16pm PDT
Re: Religious practice is an ancient and profound matter of ordering the world. by laudablepuss 09/27/2011, 3:08pm PDT
Re: Religious practice is an ancient and profound matter of ordering the world. by laudablepuss 09/27/2011, 3:17pm PDT
Shto eto takoi? by Gutsby 09/27/2011, 5:03pm PDT
Religion is not an indispensible part of a balanced life by laudablepuss 09/27/2011, 10:05pm PDT
You should be dead. Just think about that in between your spergings NT by Mysterio 09/29/2011, 8:03am PDT
Wow I never thought of it that way! by laudablepuss 09/29/2011, 8:23am PDT
hahaha i feel bad for loling NT by ndd 09/29/2011, 12:03pm PDT
Conclusion: science saved your life by Entropy Stew 09/30/2011, 1:37pm PDT
Re: Religion is not an indispensible part of a balanced life by Gutsby 09/30/2011, 7:30am PDT
Re: Religion is not an indispensible part of a balanced life by duh 09/30/2011, 10:29am PDT
Re: bitch are you for real by I need clarification 09/25/2011, 10:16pm PDT
"Growing it" is one of the worst abuses of language perpetrated by business dink by motherfuckerfoodeater 09/25/2011, 5:17pm PDT
Re: bitch are you for real by laudablepuss 09/25/2011, 11:10pm PDT
Re: bitch are you for real by ndd 09/26/2011, 12:17am PDT
now that the other thread is done and you lost by up with pod people 09/30/2011, 10:15am PDT
Re: now that the other thread is done and you lost by Mischief Maker 09/30/2011, 7:55pm PDT
Re: guys I think I might have figured out what I want to do for grad school. by Mysterio 09/25/2011, 12:25am PDT
Keep us informed of your progress. I'm a stock broker. by This is Chris's Blood 09/25/2011, 1:39am PDT
how do you piss off a trader? introduce him to chicks as a "stock broker" by august and everything after 09/26/2011, 8:27pm PDT
I thought you were all sys admins. by Fullofkittens 09/25/2011, 3:34pm PDT
I said he played American football :/ by Mysterio 09/25/2011, 4:01pm PDT
THAT SOUNDS FAB by Ray of Light 09/25/2011, 7:47pm PDT
Unitarianism is a sad religion for people caught in the bear trap of 20/21st cen by Vested Id 09/26/2011, 1:34am PDT
Re: Unitarianism is a sad religion for people caught in the bear trap of 20/21st by ndd 09/26/2011, 2:45am PDT
unitarians are just episcopalians who jerk off to alvin toffler NT by august and everything after 09/26/2011, 8:34pm PDT
a hand job is still a job, august NT by ndd 09/26/2011, 9:01pm PDT
unitarians are like vassar girls though. won't even take the glove off. NT by august and everything after 09/26/2011, 9:04pm PDT
ew there are girls who take the glove off?! NT by ndd 09/26/2011, 9:08pm PDT
really trashy ones. like the ones who didn't even go to boarding school. by august and everything after 09/26/2011, 10:42pm PDT
THERE ARE DUDES WHO WILL FINGERBANG ME WHILE I WATCH LEVERAGE?! NT by ndd 09/26/2011, 10:51pm PDT
extra vigorously when the black hacker with the buff arms is onscreen by august and everything after 09/27/2011, 2:49am PDT
I'm in school to become a Catholic deacon. I think you should go for it. by Just Another Mysterious Stranger 09/27/2011, 4:55pm PDT
Re: I'm in school to become a Catholic deacon. I think you should go for it. by Mischief Maker 09/27/2011, 5:03pm PDT
Zing! Now if only there were some funny YouTubes making fun of lawyers, I NT by Oh, wait. 09/28/2011, 6:27am PDT
go to yale divinity by august and everything after 09/26/2011, 8:28pm PDT
Re: guys I think I might have figured out what I want to do for grad school. by Hans Clastorp 09/27/2011, 7:02pm PDT
Re: guys I think I might have figured out what I want to do for grad school. by Mysterio 09/28/2011, 4:03pm PDT
Re: guys I think I might have figured out what I want to do for grad school. by Mysterio 09/28/2011, 11:30pm PDT
nice how you skipped the description of a priest's actual job and how shitty it NT by Mysterio 09/30/2011, 7:09pm PDT
You're right, my research can stop with that anecdote. Off to fashion school ta. NT by ndd 09/30/2011, 8:08pm PDT
Re: Off to fashion school ta. by Mischief Maker 09/30/2011, 8:15pm PDT
Re: Off to fashion school ta. by ndd 09/30/2011, 10:32pm PDT
I'm sad for you by Mischief Maker 10/01/2011, 12:44am PDT
Your myopia is astonishing. by Gutsby 10/01/2011, 2:19am PDT
A lot of time in church is spent talking about dragon fights. by fucking nobody 10/01/2011, 6:39am PDT
The theme was "wonder," captain angry pants. NT by Mischief Maker 10/01/2011, 8:17am PDT
How can you be sorry for someone you haven't listened to yet?! by ndd 10/01/2011, 9:43am PDT
Perhaps a parable would work better here. by Mischief Maker 10/02/2011, 2:32pm PDT
This was an insulting and unwarranted pile of condescension. by ndd 10/02/2011, 3:51pm PDT
Emperor Liang Wu Di responded pretty much the same way. by Mischief Bodhisattva 10/02/2011, 4:16pm PDT
Re: Emperor Liang Wu Di responded pretty much the same way. by ndd 10/02/2011, 9:19pm PDT
Student asks master for profound answer. Master says literally anything. NT by SO PROFOUND. 0______0 10/03/2011, 6:33am PDT
The purpose of a Koan is not to be profound. by Mischief Bodhisattva 10/03/2011, 9:43am PDT
Framing anything in the context of Zen is the best way to lose an argument NT by Entropy Stew 10/03/2011, 11:18am PDT
I'm the best!!! by Mischief Bodhisattva 10/03/2011, 11:27am PDT
you're a Cable who doesn't know he's a Cable by Mysterio 10/03/2011, 1:15pm PDT
I'm sorry I offended you, Anonyfag. by Mischief Shai-hulud 10/03/2011, 2:04pm PDT
Re: I'm sorry I offended you, Anonyfag. by Louis C.K. 10/03/2011, 2:34pm PDT
Try Andy Kaufman. NT by Mischief Maker 10/04/2011, 11:22pm PDT
You're already Andy Kaufman in this thread, what with the wrestling women NT by Entropy Stew 10/04/2011, 11:47pm PDT
It's true, I found my audience solely by behaving smugly in deep obscurity by Andy Kaufman 10/05/2011, 4:35am PDT
particularly when you're vehemently arguing against religion. by up with pod people 10/03/2011, 1:07pm PDT
NAH. NT by Mischief Shai-hulud 10/03/2011, 1:59pm PDT
Particularly when you're vehemently arguing, period by Entropy Stew 10/04/2011, 2:25pm PDT
Ya think? by Mischief Maker 10/04/2011, 8:36pm PDT
This has been a known problem for 1500 years by Mysterio 10/03/2011, 1:13pm PDT
*Devilhorns* NT by Mischief Bodhisattva 10/03/2011, 1:59pm PDT
Re: I'm sad for you by N 10/01/2011, 1:03pm PDT
Decrying romance... only to reembrace it in the very next paragraph by Mysterio 10/01/2011, 4:20pm PDT
Ha ha, sneering at science because it's too mainstream, like Disneyland. by Jerry Whorebach 10/01/2011, 5:15pm PDT
Science is cool. They are not. by Mysterio 10/01/2011, 6:03pm PDT
Re: guys I think I might have figured out what I want to do for grad school. by ndd 09/28/2011, 11:38pm PDT
Re: guys I think I might have figured out what I want to do for grad school. by Just Another Mysterious Stranger 09/29/2011, 6:44pm PDT
I've told jokes about owning my own Voltron! NT by YESSSSSSSS! 09/29/2011, 7:05pm PDT
Re: guys I think I might have figured out what I want to do for grad school. by ndd 09/29/2011, 10:34pm PDT
True story: my mom used to be the pastor of a church like that. by Fullofkittens 09/29/2011, 7:50pm PDT
Re: True story: my mom used to be the pastor of a church like that. by ndd 09/29/2011, 10:15pm PDT
this is soooo stupid by Mysterio 09/29/2011, 7:51pm PDT
Re: this is soooo stupid by ndd 09/29/2011, 10:00pm PDT
i want to be a petty tyrant but managing an applebee's would be gauche wat do??? NT by Mysterio 09/30/2011, 2:09pm PDT
Re: i want to be a petty tyrant but by ndd 09/30/2011, 4:39pm PDT
what you're too good for appleby's? NT by august and everything after 10/01/2011, 5:20pm PDT
By the way, Ron Rosenbaum is an idiot. by laudablepuss 10/03/2011, 8:40pm PDT
I've never heard of this person before but this was a good post by ndd 10/04/2011, 2:17pm PDT
Sounds good to me NT by laudablepuss 10/05/2011, 9:32am PDT
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