Forum Overview :: Dwarf Fortress
 
I have a patreon. by Jerry Whorebach 04/15/2017, 6:58pm PDT
It's called welfare and you're all paying for it. Here's what your money bought you today.

10:00 am - Woke up. Hundred push-ups.
10:20 am - Breakfast. All out of groceries. Found a dozen hot cross buns in the freezer. Happy Easter, gentiles! ~2200 calories.
11:00 am - Four mile run.
12:00 pm - Workshopped a monologue about The Predator. Right now it's just an excuse to sneer "Glordon, from the bank," but after another pass or two I think it's going to fly. Or at least give me license to wear a mesh shirt.
1:00 pm - Groceries. It was a beautiful day so I walked to the Shoppers Drug Mart across town (I don't want the one near my apartment catching on to how hard I'm exploiting the Optimum rewards program). Twenty-four bottles of Diet Pepsi and twenty-one tins of tuna for $30.75. And thanks to digital e-promotions, that transaction netted me 8000 Optimum points (equivalent to $14.30 in store credit at my current redemption level). There is no conceivable way they're not losing money every time they see me.
6:00 pm - Caltrops. I'm not going to get into this because it's the part of the story you already know.
7:00 pm - Try to remember where I put the spear I found on Tim Horton's birthday so I can patrol the streets for crime as hooded vigilante. Or forget it and go get super laid. Better make up my mind quick.

BONUS: Unfinished monologue about The Predator.
The thing about The Predator is, we only see him when he's on vacation. I'm sure most days he wears a tie and works a regular 9-5 job like everyone else on Predatoria. It's only in the summer, when the weather gets unusually hot, that he takes the space shuttle to space Fire Island - Earth - and for once lets his dreads down. He pulls on his mesh tank top, zips up his cloacaless chaps, and suddenly he's not "Glordon, from the bank" anymore, he's the S E X U A L P R E D A T O R, here to turn our buffest dudes inside out. That movie would be so empowering if it didn't end in suicide!
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Happy belated New Year, Jerry. How do you make your money these days? NT by NZ Ex-Punter 04/14/2017, 10:26pm PDT NEW
    I have a patreon. by Jerry Whorebach 04/15/2017, 6:58pm PDT NEW
        We really need to replace welfare with mandatory reality TV shows. by blackwater 04/15/2017, 10:44pm PDT NEW
        I knew it. Jerry is actually One Punch Man! NT by Mischief Maker 04/16/2017, 5:52am PDT NEW
        Like it, but have to call gimmick infringement by on behalf of the real SEXPRED 04/16/2017, 10:17am PDT NEW
            Picking up Paul's slack: an open letter to the Shoppers Optimum Program by @ShopprsDrugMart 11/19/2017, 5:49pm PST NEW
                Is Childs Play on the list? NT by Jesus "fucking" Christ 11/19/2017, 10:59pm PST NEW
                    No, they don't have anything cool. They have Ca-R-Ma.org, which helps homeless by @ShopprsDrugMart 11/20/2017, 1:31am PST NEW
                        Those are good programs! by fabio 11/20/2017, 5:19am PST NEW
                            Can't we just shoot them? That would put an end to their caterwauling. NT by @ShopprsDrugMart 11/20/2017, 12:05pm PST NEW
                                http://www.buckstix.com/CoehornMortarHunt.htm NT by laudablepuss 11/20/2017, 12:49pm PST NEW
                                    I was talking about the a cappellans! PS: this is Tam O'Shanter. NT by @ShopprsDrugMart 11/20/2017, 1:05pm PST NEW
        How do groceries take 5 hours? Are you growing them yourself or sm? NT by Mysterio 02/20/2019, 6:58pm PST NEW
            This was a couple years ago, when I was still walking everywhere LIKE A CHUMP. by Jerry Whorebach 02/21/2019, 1:17am PST NEW
                Let's count the warning signs that he's gonna kill somebody by laudablepuss 02/22/2019, 7:20am PST NEW
                Re: This was a couple years ago, when I was still walking everywhere by Mysteriobama 02/22/2019, 9:29pm PST NEW
                    Re: This was a couple years ago, when I was still walking everywhere by E. L. Koba 02/24/2019, 2:00pm PST NEW
                        You really captured the way I avoid eye or any other kind of contact with women. by Jerry Whorebach 02/24/2019, 6:32pm PST NEW
                            Re: You really captured the way I avoid eye or any other kind of contact by Mysteriobama 02/24/2019, 9:39pm PST NEW
                            You look like someone famous but I can't place it by Jack Bauer 02/26/2019, 9:53am PST NEW
                                Zac Efron? by Netflix 02/26/2019, 12:21pm PST NEW
                                    It was Efron, not the other guy by Jack Bauer 02/27/2019, 5:15pm PST NEW
                                        I'm sorry, I meant the guy could be like the other guy PLAYED by the other guy by Netflix 02/27/2019, 7:58pm PST NEW
                                Christian Slater NT by Mysterio 02/26/2019, 2:19pm PST NEW
                            LJL at the irony that J. W. is the hottest, smartest poster in the game by Mysterio 02/26/2019, 11:54pm PST NEW
 
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