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| Picking up Paul's slack: an open letter to the Shoppers Optimum Program by @ShopprsDrugMart 11/19/2017, 5:49pm PST | ||||
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| I have over $600 in Shoppers Optimum points. I will probably never spend them, because you can't earn points on a transaction in which you redeem points, and the only reason I go to Shoppers in the first place is to earn points. I don't want them, I don't need them, I just like scoring them. It makes me feel like a winner, despite all evidence to the contrary.
Recently, I was preloading coupons on your website - because that's something a winner does - when I noticed a charitable donation button. Fantastic! I can finally get rid of my points, while at the same time helping impoverished children around the world. Two birds with one stone. The only problem is, I couldn't find UNICEF on your list of approved charities. There's no way that's an oversight because it's fucking UNICEF, I'm sure they called you at one point. Fine, whatever, maybe there's some beef between Shoppers Drug Mart and the United Nations over let's say labour laws. I'll go with my safety: the Salvation Army. Now, I'm not religious, and if I were I'd be Jewish, but the Salvation Army operates the one and only homeless shelter in my town. Donations support an entrenched volunteer network providing critical resources to our community, not wackos leaving bibles in hotel rooms or stealing condoms out of them. The Salvation Army is not the 700 Club. It doesn't matter, though, because they're also not on your list. What is on there? Well, the first entry in the dropdown box is something called 'A Cappella Showcase'. I hate a capella! It's barbershop without the pageantry. I'll be buried with my Optimum points before I support organized a cappella. Is that placement purely alphabetical, or is it also meant to discourage people from just throwing money at the first charity they see? Because it sure as hell worked on me. Now I can't trust any name on your list I don't already know, any one of them could be another trap. (I realize I may end up looking foolish here if it turns out the A Cappella Showcase is actually a real charity and not exactly what it sounds like, but that's a chance I'm willing to take.) One day I'm going to sit down with your web widget and start running down charities until I find one I don't reflexively flip off. Know that you could make it SO MUCH EASIER for me. I think it's the least I deserve for being such a great guy on multiple levels. #WINNING |
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