Caltrops - Still Life - Jr helpdesk guy log

Forum Overview :: Still Life

by laudablepuss 06/20/2017, 11:16am PDT

He's 56, pretty lazy, a gasbag, sleeps a lot . . . he has other terrible qualities as well but they don't all make it into this log I made of his activities from Feb-March. I don't sit near him anymore so I stopped updating it. I've renamed him "Dorkus" here.

Feb 6th
Dorkus has jury duty. Lowering the morale of county employees today.

Feb 10th
Dorkus buying the wrong monitors for people. Just buy the ones I have favorited in CDW for God's sake.

Feb 13th
2:36 Dorkus has never heard of anything like Treesize before! "I've never heard of that" or "I've never seen that before" gets said by him ALL THE TIME. Inspiring confidence in all who hear him.

Feb 14th
8:57 "I am unaware of this!"
Tried to troubleshoot a printer for a user for 5 seconds, then passed it off to [competent coworker].
12:54 more burping. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBROp1UmpbQ

Feb 16th
11:00 zzzZZZ

Feb 17th
3:59 Buurrrp

Feb 21st
2:17 Sleepy times. *snork snork* And he's awake again.

Feb 22nd
9:55 "[Other helpdesk guy] is on the phone right now caaaaan" -- here is where he's supposed to say "I help you?" -- "I have him call you back later?"
11:23 Dorkus: BRACK pardon me

[Our director]: was that a belch?

Dorkus: yeah I said pardon me. huh ha

Feb 23rd
Dorkus destroyed his back somehow and goes to urgent care. [Security guy]: "It was quite dramatic." He banged his head twice under someone's desk, then he did it again under his own desk. Then he was reaching for something and his back exploded I guess.

Feb 24th
Dramatic gasping and moaning when he sits down. Hopped up on Vicodin.

Feb 27th
3:33 Who the hell is Dorkus on the phone with? He's going on about where he was born and what he's named after, and just chit chatting.

Feb 28th
9:30 Spends 30 minutes getting a 10 minute massage while we're all in a meeting. :/

March 1st
10:00ish Zonked out at his desk
12:21 Belched. Banner day for Dorkus.

March 2nd
10:08 Really loud trance garbage coming through his headphones, which are on even though he's not at his desk.
12:47 panting or something. "You alright Dorkus?" "Not really." Aaaand scene.

March 6th
12:57 STOP TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR LAST NAME, Dorkus (or first name either)
1:41 nodded off during our group interivew of the new sysadmin candidate
1:50 Dorkus is going way into the weeds of our ticketing system with our sysadmin candidate and also talking about how he's a magician and has a show.
4:07 marches in after using the restroom and BEEEEEEEELCH! Are you fucking kidding me?

March 7th
10:00 crappy music coming out of his headphones for the last 20 minutes
12:35 loudly upset about something. Who knows what.

March 8th
10:06 reading out loud the account names of people who have citrix issues. wtf
10:09 "Aaah! Gaaah! Faaah!"
11:51 BURRRRP
12:01 BURRRRP I said "No more. No more burping!" He has selective hearing however.
2:15 He knew the obscure movie the founders of a company that our interview candidate worked for had made, and had the same ties or something. That was a weird couple of moments.

March 9th
10:00 just fix the issue Dorkus, the chitchat is obnoxious.
10:04 "hot diggities" why is this plural? God help me
11:30 kinda weird, is he falling asleep on the phone? Unable to complete a sentence just now :( :( That's worrisome
2:22 "dagnabbit" jesus just shut the hell up

March 10th
10:17 Please don't encourage him, [Security guy]. Dorkus beatboxed for us. :(
1:01 UUUURP
3:51 "I'm a little worried about Sunday" he doesn't want to look like a "complete dork" and he's googling bald men. "I'm hoping for Patrick Stewart"

March 13th
8:10 Dorkus asks how his bald head looks (he shaved it for charity). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH11QZdADxs
1:24 Dorkus dozing off
1:33 [Sysadmin colleague] appeared to control Dorkus's mind when he wrote the first name of a user in IM just before Dorkus said it, then the last name just before Dorkus said it. In reality, it just takes [Sysadmin colleague] way less time to find elementary things than it takes Dorkus.

March 14th
10:19 hot diggities. >:[
10:28 hot diggity! Singular this time. "I learned a new thing today!" Hot diggity indeed :(

March 15th
before 8:00 I guess his knee popped and he's been making loud distress noises.
8:45 ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah (I guess his knee is still out) *rubs bald head* can't stop touching his fucking head. :/
9:05 OMG Dorkus shut the hell up about your goddamned head
9:34 Hot diggity >:[
10:05 I started adding term tickets per an IM and verbal conversation RIGHT NEXT TO HIM and Dorkus expressed surprise. "By coincidence, a term ticket came in for one of those users just now." Jesus, Dorkus.
2:28 totally heard Dorkus snort and wake up just now
3:44 [Sysadmin colleague] reports he's seen Dorkus nodding off all throughout the day
3:53 Dorkus says that people MUST use IE to access citrix outside of the receiver app. He has selectively ignored several IMs by me and [Sysadmin colleague], and an email from [Manager], about Firefox ERS. Pretty amazing.

March 16th
11:44 Holy shit Dorkus, are you fucking retarded? "Aren't you and [Sysadmin colleague] doing the term tickets?" referring to the 17 I put in two days ago. No, that's your job you idiot.
11:57 BURRRRRP
1:22 zzzzZZZZ (while on the phone?)
2:09 Dorkus has never seen something before and has to look into it. :(

March 21
3:28 "What the HELL is that?" can't wait to hear what this is about.
4:04 why is he still here??? Misquoting Douglas Adams. "It floated no it looked like no it was shaped like a brick uhhhhh"

March 22
9:50 "Aaaaaaaah" -- what is the deal?
10:22 uninstaling firefox because he's a shit