Forum Overview :: Still Life
 
My renewed log (long, stupid) by laudablepuss 12/21/2017, 4:03pm PST
6-19-2017
11:41 floating over the cube farm from Dorkus: uuuuuuuuck. Nice, thanks buddy.

6-20-2017
8:00 Dorkus brought in cookies and invited us to have some. I thought, "oh God" but it turns out they were store bought. Whew.

3:58 UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURPPPPPP huge fucking burp from Dorkus. Doop dee doop where am I BUUUUUUUUUURP! Oh am I at work and not sitting on my toilet at home? Huh weird when did I get here?

6-23-2017
8:08: Holy shit, as soon as I get in: "Hey, before you sit down, do you know how to get into the Cincinatti sonicwall? I can't find the login information anywhere."
Uh, why do you need to get into that.
"There's a ticket to reset the VPN password for somebody."
Dorkus, the reason you can't find login information is because we hid that from you, you screwball. Helpdesk does not manage firewalls, in any organization, ever.

11:13 "This is a new one. I've never seen this before. I'll have to run some tests and there's a good chance I won't have an answer till Monday."
Geeze man it's just the outlook profile on the remote (citrix app) machine. And he can even still open msg files. How dramatic can you get. Send those expectations through the floor.

11:23 Dorkus has been coughing and dying all morning. No idea what the deal is.

4:20 Dorkus "I have to get ready for an adult party tomorrow." [Coworker] can't help inquiring about this appalling prospect, but it turns out Dorkus won't be getting naked.

6-26-2017
11:10 "Since we're all here, just for IT internal use, should we abbreviate [Company name] as Gur gur gur or as gur gur gur gur gur?" Who the hell gives a shit, Dorkus?

12:01 "Bout time" to [Other Jr guy] who got back from lunch exactly 2 minutes late. Are you kidding?

6-27-2017
1:59 "Did I hear someone say they were talking to [User]?" "No"
We discussed his email with you as a helpful thing but nobody's taking your goddamned ticket for you. :(

7-5-2017
11:49 "[Other Jr guy] can you help me? I'm totally brain farting here." God Dorkus.

"Hopefully soon in the next few months [internal tool] will be converted over to the new domain" OH REALLY Dorkus? Do you have any inside information on this? It's not a trivial operation. Maybe stop talking out of your ass on these support calls.

2:44 Dorkus is JUST TICKLED by [Other Jr guy] saying "try harder".

3:07 *standing up* OW HNNNNNG
HRRRRRRRRRRRNG
what the hell dude

7-6-2017
3:01 What passes for humor for Dorkus: "I knew our society was doomed was when I saw that bottled water had an ingredients list. *pause for laughter* *silence* That's it, pack it up." Keep your day job, Dorkus.

7-16-2017
4:48 Dorkus is still logging into DCs despite an email telling everyone not to do that anymore. :(

7-17-2017
4:14 Dorkus has habanero fudge, which was ok. But he wants ghost pepper fudge because "i love spicy food" and is going on and on about how he's got high tolerance for spicy food. By the way, he has NO TIME to install RSAT. NO TIME!!!

7-19-2017
12:45 Is someone playing a game? We hear weird bings and music crap coming from somewhere.
[Coworker]
its Dorkus watching Japanese Anime at a high volume. Nothing to be concerned about.
Me: That's going in the log

12:54 urrp uuuch excuse me

1:36 "Too much to do! GOD! DAMNIT!"

3:20 Are you on a support call, Dorkus? He's doing Hamlet in a southern accent, "that is the question y'all".

Still logging into the DC

7-26-2017
8:45 Dorkus left his machine unlocked, changed his background to David Hasselhoff and other changes. He's all "I was called to HR, it doesn't count." and "Love you guys too." Dork

2:19 Calling our idiot web contractor to add users to our wordpress site when WE CAN DO THAT ALREADY. Stop being a lunatic please?

8-1-2017
4:34 Dorkus, saying [User's] name like he's James Bond. "So manly" he said. Gushing over the name

8-3-2017
2:06 UUUCK

4:36 Truly awful support call, including lots of goofball laughing and digressions and "hot diggity, who's your buddy" at the end, or near the end because he can't shut up and get off a call.


8-9-2017
12:35 Dorkus actually just died trying to eat. Or it sounded like it, I guess he managed to survive after all. If it was my dog I'd go over and check if I have to clean her blanket

2:12 Dorkus: "East coast, west coast. Why don't they have South Coast? (to himself) North coast"

8-10-2017
9:00 Dorkus has no updates on anything (during our meeting). Shocking.
9:24 Dorkus is going to urgent care for his back I guess. :(

8-22
4:47 I sit far away from him these days, but occasionally, as now, "uuuuuuck!"

8-23
11:35 Dorkus has a giant bowl of at least a liter of stew or chili or something. It's the size you'd put on the table to have other people ladle into their smaller bowls. I better not hear belching during or after this.

1:30ish Complaining about chest pains

1:45 walked away without locking his machine, comes back after Brian and John were messing with it, "If I knew I'd be gone for more than 5 seconds I'd have locked it." That's not how it works, dumbass. Live and don't learn, that's his motto

8-24-2017
10:02
[Coworker] :clap:
Me: what's that for
[Coworker] Dorkus
Me: what did he do
[Coworker] Spent 2 hours explaining a webinar.

11:49 "There's the crazy Chinese lady downstairs [for soda]"
Me: "She's Korean."
"She's Korean? That explains why she gets testy when I call her Chinese."

1:18 Both Dorkus and [other annoying coworker] belch within a minute of each other. >: [

1:56 Hahaha Dorkus just loudly passed away again. Or hacked up a sofa. Jesus Christ

8-31
12:31 pm "My brain is almost complete mush now" because he had to talk to people on the phone, and update a document for people to install a new patch.

9-6
4:18 Just wanders in burping. Not 10 minutes ago he belched at his desk also.

9-7
11:04 Dorkus doesn't know what usb connectors are what and is in charge of setting up a webinar for HR. Gonna be great.

9-12
1:28 UUUCK

9-15
11:52 WHAT THE HELL MAN, Dorkus said to me in the conference room. I was ready to hit him in the head. "We were waiting for you to tell us you were ready." Well, [Our boss] said out loud in the cube farm that we were ready, and then we sent an IM (8 minutes before he came in to yell at me) that we were ready. So whatever, ass.

The reason he was mad was probably because his free lunch was sitting on the table there. But I thought the involvement of food would cause him to be alert and curious. Guess not. BAD DOG, Dorkus. :(

9-29
Me: Did Dorkus just burp at you while talking to you, [Other jr guy]?
Me: He better have a beer in his hand over there
[Other Jr guy] yes burp... no beer
Me: *flips keyboard*

10-17
8:00 I guess Dorkus was talking about his new gf. She says (does he believe this?) that his best feature is he has a nice butt. I guess she also does not own a computer or smart phone, somehow.

10-19
9:05 UUUUUCK! Oops excuse me. Today is thursday! Which means tomorrow is friday! Shut up Dorkus. I guess he has vacation next week.

12:11 Another "My name is Dorkus and I like spicy food" conversation

10-20
2:54 Dorkus cannot read documentation, installed the wrong FDE profile on a user's laptop. Then he denied he did it wrong.

3:10 Dorkus is making all kinds of distressed sounds over there. Dunno what the hell is going on.

3:54 Dorkus is loudly upset about something. "GOD! DAMNIT!" *LOUD BREATHING* Happy friday!

11-10
Me: Gross. "This girl that I'm totally gaga for is meeting me at [Local bar] after work" -- Dorkus
Me: "she and I are texting back and forth" stop talking I might want to eat this weekend

11-13
11:18 Dorkus is such a dumbass. [Our boss] asked about phone setups for the new hires in IM, and Dorkus opened his IM client, typed "Lunch" right below the quesion, and closed his IM window

11-17
Me: It was a very sad meeting this morning for Dorkus
Me: We looked at helpdesk metrics
Me: He was competitive in a few areas. But we looked at a three day stretch where he took 2 tickets per day each day
Me: And one of those days where he closed 0

11-20
Me: Dorkus "I'm having a brain fart here. Dag nabbit" -- just never say any of those words, you jackass
Me: Ask your question without the verbal filler

12-4
3:40 Dorkus reports that his doctor is surprised at how healthy he is at his age. Maybe with his bad ears he didn't hear him say "UNhealthy" -- [Coworker's] theory
4:40 Mr "surprisingly healthy" is making dying sounds again

12-5
1:15 Dorkus has now eaten SIX taco bell tacos.

12-11
3:48 I don't hear that guy very often but Uuuuuck!
[Coworker]: I'm gonna bring you guys my leftover gas x (from his procedure prep) tomorrow
Me: is that what I just heard over there?
[Coworker]: Yep. Log it.

12-19
[Coworker] we may have to put him down soon.
Me: Dorkus?
[Coworker] yep. hes getting worse.
Me: it's sad but if he can't have a good life it's not worth it

12-20
1:00 Dorkus ate a bucket of fried chicken

12-21
9:39 Dorkus's phone is connecting to a chinese site, tencent.com and pulling a ton of data. He's literally retarded
4:40 Dying sounds from Dorkus's cube again
PREVIOUS NEXT REPLY QUOTE
 
Jr helpdesk guy log by laudablepuss 06/20/2017, 11:16am PDT NEW
    I think we all know a guy like this. Thanks for the laugh! NT by The Happiness Engine 06/21/2017, 11:43am PDT NEW
        Today's update: he wanted to log into the sonicwall by laudablepuss 06/23/2017, 7:43am PDT NEW
    Re: Jr helpdesk guy log by laudablepuss 12/21/2017, 2:12pm PST NEW
    Wait, are you saying that the cool kids are using Firefox now? by Chrome takes all my memory 12/21/2017, 3:21pm PST NEW
        No no by laudablepuss 12/21/2017, 3:33pm PST NEW
    My renewed log (long, stupid) by laudablepuss 12/21/2017, 4:03pm PST NEW
        Some of this stuff is OK by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/22/2019, 9:16pm PDT NEW
            Re: Some of this stuff is OK by laudablepuss 03/23/2019, 8:42pm PDT NEW
    RIP Dorkus by laudablepuss 03/22/2019, 8:00pm PDT NEW
        F NT by Ghost of admin future 03/22/2019, 9:02pm PDT NEW
 
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