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by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:17pm PST |
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Bad bad bad bad.
Controls suck. Aiming sucks. Weapons suck. Heavy Mechs don't seem any stronger (!) than the faster and more maneuvreable medium mechs. Streets and bridges are super wide and buildings are huge so there is no sense that you're piloting a gigantic destruction machine. (although renting the game at the same time as godzilla, which gets the scaling RIGHT didn't help.) Forget getting creative with the jump jets, as some tiny hills have invisible barriers atop them that make scaling the slippery final 2 inches impossible. Draw distance makes the range advantage of long range weapons moot, unlimited ammo and no minimum fire distance makes the fast-firing and enemy-seeking missile weapons the best weapon. Fighting in arctic climates doesn't seem to affect heat levels at all. Armor is represented by a single bar. Just as well as the autoaim precludes aiming at specific limbs in this Battletech game. Mechs have this silly anime/agent smith white light shooting out of their hull before exploding effect. Even worse, the game has gauntlet-esque enemy generators (even for mechs) that keep spitting out an unlimited number of enemies until the building's taken out.
Of special note is the plot. The developers are so incredibly desperate to prove to players that they are indeed heterosexual, you can practically smell the anonymous public bathroom cock on their breath. Your CO is a CGI woman whose chest is so large and whose waist is so small that she crosses the line from "dream body" to "disturbing mutant freak." When she's not making embarassingly ham-handed innuendoes (before a mission to blow up some boats she drawls, "Time to get wet") and reassuring everyone in radio distance that you the player do indeed pork her between every mission, she's busy shrieking at the jimmy-olsenesque tech officer. She calls him "briefing boy" as what I assume is supposed to be an insult, but actually just draws attention to the fact that he's the only one of the two that has a useful purpose. Forget the haunting alien soundtrack of MW2, whenever a mech or elemental shows up, some generic heavy metal guitar RAWK starts looping endlessly to show how manly and virile you are.
But probably the biggest mistake of the game is starting it out with you fighting hundreds of tanks and helicopters before even seeing a mech. I think the point was to show how badass a battlemech is supposed to be compared to conventional arms, but it actually shows how tactically silly mechs are. A swarm of relatively inexpensive tanks and helicopters using hit-and-run tactics from every direction will quickly overwhelm a mech (at least with this game's twitch-and-you-lose-it lock on targeting system) while a big juicy easy-to-target mech can be kept in your sights and pelted mercilessly with missiles and PPCs until it dies in seconds.
The box sez game of the year? |
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The closest you'll get to an easy way to browse the deleted posts. by Creexul :( 03/13/2006, 6:02am PST 
So Jsoh and I both finished Sacrifice finally. by Creexul :( 03/13/2006, 6:51am PST
Metroid Prime 2 by Rafiki 03/19/2006, 12:52pm PST
Viewtiful Joe by Forensic 03/19/2006, 12:58pm PST
Mega Man: battle network: Blue version by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 12:59pm PST
Morrowing vs Daggerfall... FIGHT! by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:02pm PST
Castlevania: Lament of Innocence == Rygar with vampires, except better by godamit 03/19/2006, 1:03pm PST
SSX3 (PS2) by Fussbett 03/19/2006, 1:04pm PST
Re: SSX3 (PS2) by Ivan Dork It 03/20/2006, 3:23am PST
It's an in-joke for that time period. by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 8:57am PST
no no no by Ivan Dork It 03/20/2006, 10:57pm PST
Re: no no no by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 11:14pm PST
Re: no no no by Ivan Dork It 03/21/2006, 3:40am PST
Solved by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 9:50am PST
Crimson Skies (XBOX) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:05pm PST
Kirby Air Ride by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:06pm PST
INC Reel Roundup and/or Cinema Showdown, pardner (plenty spoilers) by I need clarification 03/19/2006, 1:09pm PST
OH GOD THE SUCK! (Matrix 3) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:10pm PST
Fire Emblem (GBA) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:11pm PST
So this Deus Ex 2 demo sure is short and small by Roop Dirump 03/19/2006, 1:13pm PST
MANHUNT (PS2) by Fussbett 03/19/2006, 1:14pm PST
KOTOR, PC by mrs. johnson 03/19/2006, 1:14pm PST
Medal of Honor: Rising Sun by Creexul ^_^ 03/19/2006, 1:15pm PST
Atari 10-in-1 by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:15pm PST
Gravitar by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/20/2006, 2:35am PST
Where did you get your Vectrex flashcart? Review plz. NT by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 9:00am PST
First impression: Godzilla Destroy all monsters (XBox) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:16pm PST
Mech Assault (X-Box) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:17pm PST
this really isn't a good review of this game :( by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 4:44pm PDT
ok I should do a real and honest review so the correct opinion is here by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 5:46pm PDT
Battlestar Galactica (X-Box) by Mischief Shai-hulud 03/19/2006, 1:18pm PST
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:19pm PST
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (PS2) by FABIO 01/24/2007, 6:41am PST
Phantom Crash (XBOX) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:20pm PST
Age of Mythology: The Titans, worst demo ever by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:21pm PST
Bujingai (PS2) (Jap) by Fussbett 03/19/2006, 1:25pm PST
Gackt the Gamer by Fussbett 06/23/2009, 12:53am PDT
I enjoyed this clip too much to say anything funny about it. by Zsenitanuki 06/30/2009, 2:28pm PDT
Ratchet And Clank -- Going Commando by Rigthbug 03/19/2006, 1:26pm PST
Re: Ratchet And Clank -- Going Commando NT by Quentin Beck 12/13/2007, 5:01am PST
Pithy review of Dynasty Tactics 2 by curst 03/19/2006, 1:28pm PST
Panzer Dragoon Orta (XBox) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:28pm PST
I am TOTALLY freaked the fuck out right now (Beyond good & Evil) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:31pm PST
NFL Street by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:32pm PST
Baldur's Gate 2 Dark Alliance 2 (Playstation 2) by Creexul ^_^ 03/19/2006, 1:33pm PST
Re: A bitter appraisal by Kab(uke) Seme by Kab(uke) Seme 03/19/2006, 1:35pm PST
Kohan: Immortal Sovereigns by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:36pm PST
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic by elwonko 03/20/2006, 1:24pm PST
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles- first two hours impressions by FABIO 03/20/2006, 1:26pm PST
Mac fans: still flaming homos. by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 1:28pm PST
It kicks ass. by Frank McGillicutty 03/20/2006, 1:31pm PST
Metroid: Zero Mission (GBA) by Voyons Donc 03/20/2006, 1:32pm PST
Zone of the Enders 2 full review by Mischief Zero-Shift 03/20/2006, 1:33pm PST
Zwwwweeee fighting? by Souffle of Pain 02/07/2007, 11:54am PST
There was a link that was lost in the transfer by MMore Woman than you'll ever have 02/07/2007, 1:15pm PST
It was that pussy bitch who posts as me by Souffle of Pain 02/07/2007, 1:20pm PST
Colin McRae Rally 04 (PS2 EURO) by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 1:48pm PST
Along those lines by Mischief Maker 03/20/2006, 1:53pm PST
Culdcept (PS2) by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 1:54pm PST
Reactions by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 3:45pm PST
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 4:41pm PST
That one didn't get deleted. But I approve of the effort. NT by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 10:09pm PST
Silent Hill 3 (PS2) (PAL version) by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 4:43pm PST
AIM log review of Everything or Nothing. by Creexul ^_^ 03/21/2006, 5:50pm PST
Ninja Gaiden: I love this game!/I HATE THIS MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING GAME! by Mischief Maker 03/21/2006, 5:51pm PST
The Suffering by curst 03/21/2006, 5:52pm PST
Review: Samurai Warriors by False 03/21/2006, 5:53pm PST
Red Dead Revolver (PS2) by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 5:58pm PST
Siren: Curst was right by FABIO 03/21/2006, 5:59pm PST
More Broussard forum posts by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 6:02pm PST
Front page this, please NT by Souffle of Pain 03/21/2006, 8:34pm PST
It's old though. NT by Fussbett 03/22/2006, 11:24am PST
I know it goes without saying, but Fussbett and INC make the best logs. by Jerry Whorebach 05/24/2009, 5:12pm PDT
jhoh NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 5:48pm PDT
I'm relieved Jhoh is publishing the book, because it sounds like a lot of work. NT by Fussbett 05/24/2009, 8:26pm PDT
Then when it comes out it's all switched with Mranduh logs. 8( NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 05/25/2009, 1:41am PDT
JUNK II by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 6:10pm PST
Dvorak saying there were great 3D0 games is still as good now as it was then NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/24/2009, 5:18pm PDT
Junk by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 11:00pm PST
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