|
by Oh no my principles etc. 01/08/2019, 10:04pm PST |
|
|
|
|
|
You could probably trace it back generations. I never met my paternal grandfather. He died before I was born - in prison? on the street? - and my dad stopped speaking to him years before. Based on the stories I've heard, though, I strongly suspect he had some kind of serious undiagnosed mental illness. He was in the Air Force, and he'd do obviously insane things like walk around shooting out streetlights with his gun. People in the '50s just thought he was an angry drunk. Once, he was getting arraigned for something or other, and when no one was looking he walked over to the prosecution table and shoved the Crown's papers down his pants. The judge had to let him go. No one knew what they were doing back then, or what to do with a guy like him.
I suspect my grandfather had an undiagnosed mental illness, but I know for sure my dad had a diagnosed one. Like everyone's said at one point, I could write a book about my childhood. My parents introduced themselves to me by their first names. I was never allowed to call my dad 'dad', or any other synonym for father. He had too many negative associations with the words from his own childhood, to the point where just hearing them was painful. When I was young I never questioned this. But like a lot of his other harmlessly quirky behaviour, I probably should have.
When I got a bit older, and finally met a few other kids - raised in isolation, don't ask - I started hearing them address their parents using terms of endearment, like 'mom' and 'pop'. I knew full well why I shouldn't do this; still, I wanted to try it anyway - partly out of rebelliousness, but also out of genuine affection. I thought, maybe if he heard the words spoken with love a few times, he might start to make new associations, positive ones? Then, not only would the words be something we could share together, but I'd be one step closer to normal.
The first time I called him 'dad', I was gently rebuffed. Never one to give up easily, I tried again later. He was still kind, but firm in his refusal to accept the label. The third time I said it he lost his goddamn mind. By the time he'd finished screaming at me, I'd never been more ashamed in my life. I felt as if I'd tried to rape him. (And those were precisely the terms I thought about it in, because even as a sheltered kid my mind went to some fairly dark places.) I never called him by anything besides his name again.
So far, this is just a story about me being a prick and learning a lesson about how far you can push someone. Here's where it gets complicated. When I was 14, my dad changed his name. Same story: too many negative associations, too painful to hear. However, in what I'm sure was intended as a benevolent gesture, he gave me special dispensation to continue calling him by his old name, since I had never said it with malice like all the rest. So now I was in a bind. Do I continue using the old name, knowing full well how much it hurts him? Or do I call him by the new name, rejecting his generous offer and symbolically aligning myself with those who would seek to hurt him?
The answer was obvious. For as long as he and I continued speaking, I never called him anything more specific than 'hey, you'. I'm pretty sure he never noticed. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
car2go is a scourge by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/16/2017, 9:08am PST
"Repositioning team" sounds like sarcasm. Just pay the $5 and move it yourself. NT by Oh no my principles etc. 12/16/2017, 9:37am PST
Whew! Thanks for the advice, anonymous guy. Thank God you're here. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/16/2017, 9:59am PST
Mom, dad, things are going well out here in Los Angeles by Fullofkittens 12/16/2017, 10:30am PST
Ha! I'd also like to take back most of my previous message. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/16/2017, 10:35am PST
Now apologize for the forum software. by Oh no my principles etc. 12/16/2017, 12:31pm PST
Re: Now apologize for the forum software. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/16/2017, 12:39pm PST
All this and I haven't even revealed which car sharing company I am the CEO of. by Oh no my principles etc. 12/16/2017, 1:04pm PST
All this and I haven't even revealed which car sharing company I am the CEO of. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/16/2017, 1:51pm PST
Admit it, for a while there it felt like the old days. We're bringing it back! NT by We're bringing Caltrops back. 12/16/2017, 2:06pm PST
MCGA! Lock her up! NT by MCGA! Lock her up! 12/20/2017, 2:19pm PST
MCGA might as well stand for "How Many Colors Was That Again" because it's what NT by we were all thinking. 12/20/2017, 2:32pm PST
Man, Jonesy doesn't let them loose often but he's got some pretty good ones NT by in his arsenal 12/17/2017, 8:09am PST
I thought you said he was going to respond like a baby? NT by Mysterio Lollerson 12/16/2017, 12:41pm PST
Nah, fuck this guy by that guy 12/19/2017, 6:56am PST
I'm glad we got this thread in before the deadline for Post of the Year. by Oh no my principles etc. 12/19/2017, 10:22am PST
Just stop posting. Problem solved. NT by Oh no my etc "thought leader" 12/19/2017, 11:56am PST
I'm going to share with you some index cards from my Caltrops character binder. by Oh no my principles etc. 12/19/2017, 12:09pm PST
Bring back Bradley Svedka NT by Saltlord 12/19/2017, 8:03pm PST
Oh man, why didn't I listen to you last week? Here's a good post to make up for by Oh no my principles etc. 12/28/2017, 10:24pm PST
Stick to the zingers, this shit you posted here put me to sleep. NT by Mehphistopheles 12/29/2017, 4:52am PST
I enjoyed it, but I also enjoy your posts. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/29/2017, 11:45am PST
I should've used my real Caltrops name instead of my fake Caltrops name. by Oh no my principles etc. 12/29/2017, 1:36pm PST
I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I had missed the theme here with my NT by previous comment. -Mehphistopheles 12/29/2017, 6:53pm PST
Update: apparently he's back in treatment? by Oh no my principles etc. 01/08/2019, 5:42pm PST
Why is ur family so fucked up NT by Mysterio 01/08/2019, 6:38pm PST
You mean my pretend filipino family, or my real family? by Oh no my principles etc. 01/08/2019, 10:04pm PST
I kinda made that all about me. I can't help it, it's how I perceive the world. by Oh no my principles etc. 01/09/2019, 2:24am PST
I don't know why I didn't include this detail, it's too good. by Oh no my principles etc. 01/09/2019, 3:04am PST
Yo shits dark NT by Mysterio 01/09/2019, 2:19pm PST
That was supposed to be a funny story. by Oh no my principles etc. 01/11/2019, 4:33am PST
It was. NT by Ulrachi 01/11/2019, 2:13pm PST
No mo(re) "Yo" NT by Style Monitor 01/11/2019, 2:20pm PST
Break window, pour gasoline, toss match. NT by The Happiness Engine 12/16/2017, 5:16pm PST
Their UI is as stupid as their arbitrary design decisions. Great kraut company. by Saltlord 12/17/2017, 7:50am PST
This is all great and I support it completely. by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/17/2017, 11:27am PST
car2go network down for maintenance for ~6 hours in DC. Server shat the bed? by Saltlord 12/19/2017, 12:20am PST
car2gofuckyourself NT by The Happiness Engine 12/19/2017, 8:52am PST
You could always leave a bad review on the APP store, that'd teach em a lesson. NT by Mehphistopheles 12/17/2017, 11:24pm PST
one problem by one solution 05/31/2019, 2:33pm PDT
Fucking hero by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/31/2019, 6:25pm PDT
|
|